jane in japan

a gentle and sweet reminder...

2007-12-13T12:51:00.000+09:00

Tonight I was reminded of something.

I was at Shoppers Drug Mart developing the last of my Japan pictures. I was at the counter for nearly an hour, pouring over the last few months of memories. The people, the places and sights and sounds of the country I had grown to love. I have to admit, I was feeling sad and happy all at the same time. My time in Japan was spent not only teaching english, but attempting to document the things I was seeing and feeling. Over the last few days, I have been so desperately wanting to communicate with people over here, what this whole experience has been like for me. But, I seemingly can't find the words.

When I came back to the counter to pick up my photos, the girl behind the counter said, "Erickson, right?." I said yes. And she then continued to say something along the lines of, "Can I just say, I was looking through your photos, and I wanted to sit down with you and get to know the people and the places you were seeing. I told the girls to come at look at them with me."

Sometimes, after taking so many pictures, and looking at them so many times, its easy to only see the mistakes or the places where I could have improved. Tonight, the staff at the photo centre reminded me...I DID go to Japan, and I DID encounter some beautiful things. It wasn't just a dream. And I guess my biggest fear in coming home was that my experiences there would only take place in isolation. While some of them I want to only remain in my mind, I was filled with so much joy at the surprise of a stranger showing a heart-felt interest in my pictures.

To girls at Shoppers, thank you. You reminded me of the excitment I felt in Japan.

adjusting

2007-12-01T10:51:00.000+09:00

I'm home now.

Home.

Back from what has been the most incredible, challenging and beautiful experience of my life. After long hours of flying, 2 baggage checks, 3 airports, and an 8 hr layover...I finally made it to cold, but welcoming Edmonton at 11:30pm Wednesday night.

I made it home, felt exhausted, a litte sad to leave my life in Japan, but relieved to once again be surrounded by my family. I'm realizing that home really is a gift. A place where we can be ourselves. And I, having been called a foreigner and having been looked at for the last year and a half, can feel more normal once again...

But, do I?

Yesterday, was a good day. Got up really late and spent sometime with my mom and ate regular food, and did regular things, which I really loved.

Today, was...well...strange for me. It was as if everything was taking place in slow motion. I found myself being kind of sensitive. I think I'm going to have to take it slow when it comes to being in big groups of people. I find that I can't quite register now with jokes, it feels strange, because before I could. Maybe I'm just tired, maybe its the cold weather, maybe...I don't know. Maybe I jsut need to be patient with myself. Today, I finally had to pull the curtains down and be alone for a few hours. To re-charge or something.

I also know too that I am coming off a huge high, into a different world. A new place. And after I woke from a long 3 hr nap today, I honestly had to ask myself, "Was this past year just a dream...did it actually happen?" Yes it did. And, I'm just learning how to translate this into the world I am in now and the people around me.

This adjusting thing is gonna take sometime...and some more sleep.

closing credits...

2007-11-26T15:38:00.000+09:00

2 days and counting until I leave Japan. The anxiety and stress of moving is settling in. The sadness of goodbyes is in the air. I'm sitting in my apartment, surrounded by a pile of clothing waiting to be put in suitcases, gifts from students, my camera, a photo album and other bits an pieces.

The last few weeks in Japan have been so meaningful. Travelling around Japan, spending time with the people I love here, numerous lunches and dinners spent together and alot of special moments that I want to keep in my pocket. Among the most special moments this year have been recieving an antique kimono from a student; standing on Mt. Fuji; witnessing a wedding march in Kyoto; seeing a geisha for the first time; partaking in a tea ceremony; being alone in an onsen, at night, in the rain; feeling leaves crunch under my feet in Kyoto; being treated for a beautiful meal by a stranger in Shirahama; sitting next to my friend Emi at the Yodogawa fireworks in Osaka; wearing kimono; talking with all ages of Japanese people; saying goodbye to a student and hearing her say "I enjoyed learning English because of you". These moments have been beyond me.

Everything just feels like its coming to an end so quickly. Its overwhelming. The something that I have found in Japan...is now being uprooted. All of Japan - its people, places, quirks, quiet moments, busy moments, and mysterious moments. Everything has made an impression on me. A part of me will always be here.

I guess this is just all apart of life. Things change, surprise you, encourage you, frustrate you, make you cry, make you laugh, give you courage, sober you, and inspire you. My experience in Japan has made me realize one of my new found passions is working abroad. This passion will now take me to China, starting in January.

As I'm wiping the tears from my eyes now, I think of what has been, what is, and what will be to come in the future.

your love, oh Lord, reaches to the heavens...Your faithfulness, stretches to the sky...You righteousness is like the mighty mountains...

2007-11-24T01:40:00.000+09:00

Visiting Mt. Fuji recently, reminded me of the majesty and grandness of God's creation. Not only did I see it from a distance, but I had the chance to drive up the side with a couple friends. As we drove up the 3000m climb, we got out of the car periodically, to take in the view and to feel the ground under our feet. As we got closer and closer, making it to 2000m, we realized we could not go any further -due to slippery road conditions and intense fog. But, as I stood, and gazed at the snowy peak above me...I realized that my time in Japan is much bigger than me. I think I'm just beginning to realize that I can't fathom what kind of impact this will have on my life. As I felt the cold air on my nose and saw the clouds at eye level, it was almost as if I had arrived somewhere. Not only Mt.Fuji. If I looked away for a mere 2 minutes, it would be covered in thick clouds. Then, I would look again, and it was as clear as anything. A small window of time allowed for a fantastic view. And even though the clouds covered it from time to time, I knew was lay beyond them.

Mt. Fuji was a part of my trip to Tokyo last weekend. And while many things in Tokyo were eye catching, strange, beautiful and neon...it is the image of the straight slope of Fuji that permiates my mind today. I feel lucky because I not only had the chance to see Mt. Fuji 2000m up, but I also saw it in the distance from taking the bullet train back to Osaka. I was told that the mountain is often "shy" - hiding itself with its variable sky conditions. But, as I looked out the window of the Shinkansen early Monday morning to my right...there it was. Almost as if the clouds perfectly parted for me to see it.

Seeing such a famous landmark and symbol of Japan, in such a small and perfect window of time, was a gift. A gift I want to carry with me as I leave this country in 5 days.

I just don't think I will ever get over this...

the setting sun on shikoku island

2007-11-15T00:08:00.000+09:00

My recent travels took me to the island of Shikoku, one of Japan's four main islands. It is known for being a place where my people go on spiritual pilgrammages to 88 temples around the island. And as I walked throug the streets of one city, Kochi, there is evidence of such people wearing the traitional cone shaped hats and white clothing, carrying a backpack and a walking staff. There is something different in the air on this island.

Getting out of Osaka, and taking the overnight bus trip across to another island, I immediately noticed the mountains became more visible and now that the leaves are finally turning in Japan, its as if someone has taken a paintbrush over the hills here. I arrive early in the morning to see the sunrise over the city of Kochi, which is over 80% mountinous.

I meet my friend living in Kochi and am instantly struck by the lack of concrete and tall buildings. I can see the faces of people and can smell the fresh mountain air. And the ocean in the distance.

During my 2 day stay in Kochi, it was as if time stood still. We walked through a famous market - filled with the freshest of fruit and vegtables, fish and local hand made crafts. The day is sunny and the peoples faces are equally so. I look around and notice there are more elderly people around, keen to make eye contact and show their sometimes toothless grins. Many people offer us pieces of fruit and welcome us to try some of their special sweets. We then make our way to Kochi Castle, where a local woman, Masako, gives us a tour of one of the oldest orignal castles in Japan. One thing I love about Japan is its people and how they seemingly adopt you for a day. We mention to Masako that we are interested in going to the beach Katsurahama, known for its shrine on the edge of a cliff. She not only tells us how to get there, but she drives us in her car, just in time to see the sunset.

As we made our way down to the beach, and it was getting dark. We walk up the set of white stairs, and come to the torrii gate and the sun is setting on the other side. At this moment, I thought to myself, I have entered a new season. The sun is setting on this experience in Japan, and I am about to enter into a new one. Among my experiences on Shikoku Island for the two days, this sunset remains imprinted in my minds eye. I look infront of me and there is only sea and sky. I look behind me and there is a shrine. I look even further behind me and there is a set of stairs leading down to the sand. I make my way down the stairs, wanting to soak in everything sensory thing I feel around me. The sound of the ocean, the first star in the sky, the smell of the ocean air, and somehow God placing His strong hand on me...and whispering in my ear...

Knowing that I'm leaving Japan at the end of the month, has seemingly made things more rich. I can't articulate it really. I remember during university, one of my professors saying to me that it is often the most the meaningful things that are the hardest to articulate. We are taken beyond. And met in a new place. A place that is deeper and richer. A more mysterious place, and yet somehow more familiar at the same time. I don't really know about mysterious things, but I know that this country has left its mark on me. I don't really even know in what ways. But, I feel its weight and significance.

reflections on uji

2007-11-03T09:20:00.000+09:00

The other day, I visited a place outside Kyoto called Uji. If you have read "The Tale of Genji" - this is the place where the story is situated. The town is peppered with elements from the story. Seemingly making it come to life. What struck me most about this lovely place was not its claim to genji's tale, but its unusual calmness. You walk across many parts of Uji and you are greeted by many reflections along the water. Its as if you are walking on a mirror. At some points its hard to tell which way is up or down.

Byodoin Temple, situated just a short walk from a lovely little shopping street, was once a villa and now converted into a temple, is one of the oldest temples in Japan, if not the oldest. About 1000 years old to be exact. As you approach the temple, your eyes are drawn to the surrounding pond that gives the most incredible reflection. In fact, when you walk around Byodoin, it seems to look different from every direction. And from inside the temple, you can see a Buddha made entirely of cypress, which looks out onto the surrounding pond and the mountains. The water is unusually still. You almost feel you would walk on this water its so still.

The day I visited Uji, it was cloudy. And, as I looked passed the temple, onto the cloudy mountain scenery, there was some sort of mystery that became evident. In the cloudiness and unusual stillness...I could see myself. All the cloudiness and unusual stillness, as if waiting for something. Quietly waiting for something. Not expecting anything. Just waiting. And wondering.

I had a conversation with a good friend recently, and we talked about being called into the wild. Before, the wild meant for me - something messy, loud, and so many obstacles that need to be overcome or worked through. After visiting Uji, the meaning of wild kind of changed. Wild is kind of now the unusual anticipation. Before something great happens. Like the temple at Uji, from far away, its difficult to see any of the details and its hard to see through the cloudy day. But, as you approach the something great, and you begin to study the intricate and divine details. And, if you are lucky, you can go inside the something great and look from the inside out and see a new reflection in the water.

Maybe life is a series of reflections. One thing can be viewed from so many different directions and perspectives, but becasue of its reflection...it changes how we see it. I thought about when a person usually sees a reflection - on a lake, a small pond, after the rain, and looking in the mirror. Maybe the reflection is just something pretty to look at, but then again...maybe its something else...

ps. the pictures are best viewed if you click on them, to see them upclose...

new photo website...

2007-11-02T01:42:00.000+09:00

just attempting to post my photos to a new site...feel free to check it out over the next few days

www.flickr.com/photos/risingsungirl

on childhood dreams...

2007-10-30T00:46:00.001+09:00

just listen...

2007-10-27T13:25:00.001+09:00

This song, I think, is talking about an ended relationship, but somehow for me, this song is how I feel about this country, Japan. And knowing that I will be leaving my experience here in a few weeks. I mentioned it in my previous post, and I felt I needed to share it with you in a more real sense.
A friend of mine just sent me this passage that has given me some perspective. From the novel "Gilead"
"When I'm here in my study with the radio on and some old book in my hands and it's nighttime and the wind blows and the house creaks, i forget where i am and it's as though I'm back in hard times for a minute or two and there's a sweetness in the experience which I don't understand. But that only enhances the value of it. My point here is that you never do know the actual nature even of your own experience. Or perhaps it has no fixed and certain nature. I remember my father down on his heels in the rain, water dripping from his hat, feeding me biscuit from his scorched hand, with that old blackened wreck of a church behind him and steam rising where the rain fell on embers, the rain falling in gusts and the women singing "The Old Rugged Cross " while they saw to things, moving so gently as if they were dancing to the hymn, almost...It was so joyful and sad. I mention it again because it seems to me much of my life was comprehended in that moment. Grief itself has often returned to me that morning, when I took communion from my father's hand. I remember it as communion and I believe thats what it was. I cannot tell you what that day in the rain has meant to me. I can't tell myself what it has meant to me. But I know how many things it put altogether beyond question for me."
Now, I can go on with my day.

a closed door...an open window...and into the wild

2007-10-26T18:11:00.000+09:00

As I write this I realize it has been a long time. I have missed this spot. My faithful futon, my cup of tea, incense and the keys in front of me. For various reasons, I haven't been able to blog these last few weeks. My world has been turned upside down in more ways than one. I haven't really known how to cope with it.

A few weeks ago, I was preparing myself to stay here for another year, but the company I have been working for in Japan has had some major financial issues and is currently denying teachers their salary, and just found out today that it is going bankrupt. It has been difficult going to work - feeling kind of taken advantage of and wondering if we were getting paid. I find myself going to union meetings for the first time in my life and trying to educate myself on the ins and outs of a big Japanese company. Everything has recently come to a complete halt and I found myself not having the chance to say a proper goodbye to the students I had grown to love so much over this last year.

I have had to remind myself time and time again that everything happens for a reason. But, even before all this happened, I could feel myself some how being called again, into the wild. Almost like a new adventure has been calling my name. I think now is the chance to tap into this, and to unravel what the new adventure might be.

I was reading in Daniel 2:20-22 the other day -

"Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever.
Wisdom and power are His

He changes times and seasons,
He sets up kings and deposes them

He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning

He reveals deep and hidden things;
He knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with Him."

Japan has meant more to me than any experience I could have asked for. Its unexpected places and people. And moments that will be etched in my mind. In the last few days, my heart has felt heavy, the kind of heavy you have when someone close passes away. This experience has been all consuming, and I can almost feel myself going through the motions of a kind of grieving process. Realizing that in one month, I will be leaving Japan. This impact of this experience is beginning to catch up with me. Living here, learnig about teaching and language, breathing in the air, walking the grounds of temples, seeing Geishas, taking crowded subways, trying on kimono, being embraced by strangers and having travel at my access. A song I'm listening to right now by Colin Hay complete describes how much Japan has meant to me...Its almost as if Japan is personified for me... -"I just don't think I'll ever get over you"

Packing my things, cancelling memberships, throwing things away, and attempting to soak in as much of this country as I can in the short time I have. One of the gifts right now about not working is that it leaves more time for travel and the chance to spend time with the people who have made impressions on me during my time here. Now is the time to soak and to let Japan take its course in my heart and mind.

I want to drink it in, soak it in and let this country come over me these last few weeks.

untitled.

2007-08-29T01:25:00.000+09:00

its 1:40am...and i can't sleep...but...I'm ok with that...

i'm looking at the world map posted on my bedroom door. why is it that when I look, sometimes gaze at this map, the hairs on my neck stand up? why does my heart start to pound? my stomach, flighty. why is it that I cannot simply glance at it whenever I walk by? i always want to have a good, long, look at it. and i want to put on my favorite song. and drink my favorite tea. everything seems so possible, so tangible and yet mysterious when i see it. the world is smaller and bigger all at once. sometimes I wish I could put it in my pocket, just to have it with me. or put it on my ceiling so its the last thing I see before I go to bed and the first thing I see when I wake up. i'm realizing that if I do this...I might never sleep or want to get out of bed. then where would I be?...

my heart would still be pounding, my gaze fixed, and my hair would still be standing on end...

its 1:40am...and i can't sleep...but...I'm ok with that...

i live to know you more...

2007-08-24T16:29:00.000+09:00

I was listening to this song today, and I felt like I needed to post these lyrics to all the people I know who are worshippers. The words are simple, but lately this has been a mediation of mine. As storms come and go, there is laughter and pain, I have been repeating this quietly under my breath...

You hold it all at once

The earth and all within

You look with eyes of love

To the sons of man

That I am known by You

Compels my heart to sing

I live to know You more

For me to live is Christ

To know You is my life

The storms will come and go

There's laughter and there's pain

Your kindness leads me on

To the light again

So I live and breathe

And find myself in You

I live to know You

I live to know You more

I count it all but loss

Compared to knowing You

I give my life away

To know You any day.

(To know You more, Hillsong)

awa dori

2007-08-19T21:07:00.000+09:00

Summer is the season of festival, upon festival in Japan. Every day you hear of a festival somewhere. You name it - they have a festival for it. One thing I have learned here is that the Japanese sure know how to work hard, and they also know how to play hard as well.

The past weekend, in the little prefecture of Kita Senri, where I work, the festival of owa dori was being held.

"Part of O-Bon rites to welcome ancestral spirits, Awa Odori started more than 400 years ago. This year, more than 100,000 locals and visitors are expected to dance all over the city of Tokushima into the early morning hours accompanied by shamisen, drums, flutes, and bells. One dance group (Niwaka-ren) for walk-in participants will feature simple steps and movements. "

This tradition was brought from Tokushima, and is now danced in many parts of Japan.

The little place of Kita Senri has recently been draped in red and yellow lanterns. Coming out of my branch from time to time, yet another decoration seems placed. And another food stand - housing fresh cooked meat, and japanese sweets is put up. The air is hot, and the sound of a festival is in the atmosphere. I see many people - both old and young, dressed in traditional colourful kimonos. And for this particular festival, a very unique style hat is worn - I think to simulate the hats that are worn on the rice fields. I hear the sound of the special geta shoes hit the ground as women rush to find their place in the special dance.

As night approaches, the air is thick with festival fever. So many children in yukata, with cotton candy and small goldfish they have won at a game stand. The people are starting to pile into the main courtyard and wait to see the many traditional dancers. And the moment comes...the sound of the heaviest drum, and the small flute begin to play. And the dancers enter. Their movements almost echo that of rice farmers - bending down low and reaching to the sky to give thanks for the harvest. The drums are loud. You cannot help but gaze at the brilliant costumes, and unique movements.

I notice that that is not only the adults who participate in this special tradition, but it also the very, very young as well. Small children dressed in traditional garb try to imitate the movements of their elders. And I spotted a very elderly man as well, who looks like he has been doing this year after year - as evidenced by the flick of his wrist, and the bright grin on his face. Watching all of this take place, you feel such a sense of community in the air. As I continued to watch, little did I know that I would be so overcome with inexplicable joy.

As the dance progresses, the participant gather in a circle. The drums continue to beat. Now slower and louder. The air is humid, and you can seemingly feel the drum beat in the air.

More people begin to gather...including a young girl in a wheelchair. Dressed in a yukata, she is lead into the circle and is swept across the floor, as everyone dances. Hands are in the air, including hers. Stretched so high. Dancing like the wheelchair is not even there. All I see is her shining face and her beautiful costume. Perhaps the most beautiful sight of the evening. Maybe the most beautiful sight of my life. As I write this, I weep. I have never seen such a strong image of community like I have tonight. Young and the old, the very young and the very old, those who are able bodied, and those who are carried by a special spirit.

As my time progresses in Japan, I feel like it is getting more and more difficult to put into words the things I am seeing and experiencing. I'm fighting give words to the speechless moments.

I guess tonight I though, what a great image of heaven. Community. Dancing. The beating of a drum. Languages. Colour. Light. Our gaze will be fixed on something great.

along the banks of the yodogawa

2007-08-08T20:28:00.000+09:00

As I sit here, I feel as though the summer is sweeping me away. It is now August. The summers here, I have learned, are filled with festivals, events, fireworks, and hot humid weather. The airconditioner seeming to be your best friend.

A few days ago was the time of the annual Yodogawa fireworks festival in Osaka. Apparently about 400,000 people gather along the banks of the river to watch the fireworks display every year. And this year, I got to be apart of it. As I got off at the train station in Juso to meet my friend Emi, I was bombarded with crowds upon crowds of people.

Now is the season for the summer kimono - also known as a yukata. And they are traditionally worn at festivals such as these. You always know there is a special occassion when you see the young women wearing yukatas in the train. Their hair neatly tied back with a flower, and they take the tiniest steps in hopes of not showing their ankles, as to maintain their modesty. It seems like there are a sea of these women in colourful yukatas, scurrying along in their geta (small wooden sandals), and men in the jimbays accompanying them - all hoping to get a good spot along the waters edge.

My dear friend Emi and I managed to find each other, and we made our way to Juso station's crowded washroom so she could assist me in putting on my yukata. Along with the beautiful design of the yukata's, are also the impressionable obi (or belt) that are wrapped around your waist, and tied in a most interesting fashion in the back. Once dressed, we both made our way to the river.

As I was walking in my yukata, I couldn't help but feel Japanese in a way. I felt like I had become apart of something that had been going on for a long time. I had to take smaller steps, in order to accommadate my yukata, and as I caught a glimpse of myself in a passing window, I felt like this was a moment I had been waiting for.

Approaching the river, you see thousands and thousands of people - and the city skyline on the other side, compliments the view. The rivebank is lined with the greatest number of food stalls I have ever seen, with the largest variety of foods I have ever seen. And if you manage to find a seat, you can sit and enjoy both the sights, sounds and smells of this festival. All three are beautiful.

As Emi and I make our way to the blanket she has used to save our spot, we sit and wait. The moment arrives, we are surprised by the loud noise of the fireworks, the the silence of the people. Everyone turns their heads, and all eyes are on the starry sky and the bright flashes of light.

I am first struck by the large scale of these fireworks. Like none I have ever seen. Patterns, shapes, colours I have never seen. Or ever dreamed possible. The Japanese sure know how to do fireworks! I even spotted a few cartoon characters and one even shaped like the planet Saturn.

The sound around me is nothing but tbe loud crack of the fireworks, and the sound of childrens excitement "Sugei" "Subarashi" "Ahhh." With each firework comes anticipation for the next. Brighter. Louder. Bigger. More beautiful. Everyone else seemed to fall silent. I look at Emi, she looks at me - we both are awestruck with such a beautiful display of light! Its amazing that this can quiet such a large group of spectators. When watching such a beautiful display of light, it seems to be the only thing in the world that matters. I look around, and I think to myself...I'm in Japan. I'm wearing a yukata. And I'm surrounded by the Japanese. The atmosphere feels thick with culture. The moment when you completely live in the present. Its just you, the night, and the fireworks.

The show lasts for about one hour, and when it finishes - you wish it could keep going forever. You feel a little sad, but also inspired and full of hope at the same time.

As the excitement still looms in the air, everyone gets up, shakes off, and gathers their things. As I part ways with Emi, I feel hopeful for the next part of my journey here. Like these fireworks were somehow symbollizing my journey in Japan. A journey of sometimes mixed emotions, hopefulness, excitement, joy, surprise and bright lights.

Seeing perhaps the most magnificent fireworks I have seen made me recognize that life really is magical. It demands our attention. It can focus us, and distract us, it can make us work harder, and it can make us play harder too. It teaches us to stand, or to just sit for a while. A soak in the moment.

"leave a little emptiness. a space for when what you are waiting for arrives." paul madonna

2007-07-28T23:29:00.000+09:00

The last few weeks, I feel like I have gotten rusty. Lost track of important things, things that I want to invest myself in, but have become lazy. Things that I have wanted to care about and wanted to spend time on have seemingly gone out the window. And I found myself stuck in the mud. And getting a little homesick. Many of the activities I have grown accustomed to here, no longer had the same meaning. Even writing became more difficult.

Now having lived in this country for 11 months, I have learned that I can be intentional about investing in myself and my relationship with God, or I can just avoid this all together, and simply go to work, and everything falls into a daily routine. Sometimes unhealthy patterns emerge. I have somehow lost touch with myself a little over the last few weeks. It has also been a process of working out the seasons of life - how we change, how we mold and how we emerge into something different...or just become more of ourselves.

Now, being the middle of my journey here, I think I am beginning a new path. But, I am at a crossroad at the moment. Deciding the direction I should go. Coming to terms with my experience here and how it is actually impacting my thoughts about myself, about God and about my future. The reality of living in this country is really starting to sink in. Its not disappointing...my impressions are just changing and shifting now. I want to make this experience all that it was intended for me in the first place. The both scary and exciting adventure.

I came to this realization last week. It during my days off. It was the first time in a while I felt like a little child in a long time. And if I remember my childhood correctly, it was refreshing, joyful and scary at the same time. And last Tuesday, I could re-live my childhood once again.

A couple of my friends and I went to a theme park for the day, and I knew that the possibility of going on a roller coaster was looming in the air. I didn't dare mention this possibility. But, we soon found ourselves in the line up, waiting to board the dreaded machine. I had a flashback to a time when my friend Jacinda and I went to the rodeo St. Albert, and I became so sick after a ride we had gone on. I have been scared of rides ever since, I will admit. And as I waited in line last Tuesday, I knew that I would soon regret going on this roller coaster. As we boarded and the coaster started to go to the top of the drop...my chest felt heavy...a bead of sweat dripped down my back...I thought "I can't do this. I can't do this. What am I doing here? Get me off...

And, as the roller coaster made its way to the top...and finally over the edge to drop...I felt light...my feet felt light...they had lifted off the ground...I had no control over the direction of the roller coaster...but, I knew that I was secure, and that I felt free at the same time.

I can't help but feel this has been parellel to my experience here. I had no idea that I would be taken this far, that I would be stretched this far. And, even though beads of sweat might pour down my back, and I can't see over the edge, something...Someone has been holding me. Maybe this journey has been about allowing my feet to not touch the ground...but allowing that certain Someone to carry me...and let me not worry.

As I have decided to stay another year here, I can only hope that I will continue to be expanded and stretched. As uncomfortable and scary as it can be sometimes. But, the view from over the edge...is a beautiful one.

"Look mom, no hands!!!"

2007-07-20T07:58:00.001+09:00

hello everyone. I heard that my parents have been getting alot of questions about the recent earthquake in Japan in Nigata prefecture and wondering if I'm ok. I'm sorry for the late response - but everything is ok in Osaka. I feel incredibly lucky to be living in this city, which is a relatively stable area. I guess the Nigata earthquake registered a 6.8 on the scales, which is almost equivalent to the earthquake that happened 12 years ago in Kobe (the Hanshin Earthquake), which was the most devistating earth quake in Japan's history. So, its a little scary, to say the least. I reccommed looking it up on the internet. I visited Kobe a number of times, and I once visited the memorial site they have for the earhtquake. Cracked pavement, and lightposts that no longer stand straight are a sobering reminder that to live in Japan means that this is a reality.

I'm doing ok, and I'm safe, just letting you know. Sorry for not keeping up with the blog these last few days. Maybe just send up a prayer to the people of Nigata today.

"hold my hands, inside your hands..."

2007-07-09T19:56:00.000+09:00

The last week, I have gotten notes from friends, cards in the mail, special and personal gifts that have obviously been given alot of thought, and litle signs here and there that have sustained me. Everyday, there have been little miracles that have occured. Without these, my heart would not be in the place it is right now. I have been able to make it through these last 2 weeks, when I thought I couldn't.

I feel as though you are here beside me. I see your writing, I hear your music, I look at your pictures. There is evidence of your friendship all around. Little fingerprints that I will treasure. Thank you to everyone for your support while being over here.

sleepless...

2007-07-05T02:03:00.000+09:00

its 2am. i can't sleep. its funny when you can't sleep. its all in how you look at it. i can look at it as a problem, or maybe just an adventure to be had. just think of the possibilities. i realized also that i live in a country where if i wanted fast food, a single wrapped egg and if i happen to need an extra pair of socks at 2am - i can pretty much get it. still...here i sit...on my futon...beads of sweat pour down my back, thanks to the recent humidity in Osaka. maybe there is no real point to this edition...maybe i'm just sleepless...sleepless in Osaka....

could you carry me through...

2007-07-03T11:30:00.000+09:00

The other night I taught one of my friends how to ride a bicycle...On a hot, hot, humid night in Osaka. As the sweat dripped down our backs, and we were laughing and feeling self conscious about random Japanese men staring at us. Still, we pressed on, one peddle at a time. I wasn't exactly sure how to teach someone to ride a bicycle. Its just a skill that you don't really have to think about. But, then again, maybe it does require more thought than we think...

Having a bicycle in this country, is almost like having breath. You need it. With it, you can go longer, faster, you can see more, and you see and experience the unexpected. You also run the risk of getting run over, bumping into people, going through scary tunnels really fast and attempting to peddle up hills on just one gear. (yes...just one gear).

I guess I got to thinking...its really an excercise in trust. In faith. Most of the times, when I am riding my bicyle, its generally pretty effortless. Sometimes, however, I forget how unexpected this city can be. At any given corner, someone can surprise you and you must swerve out of his direction or sometimes you just collide with them. You never really know whats going to happen. Its exciting but also very scary. I just try my best to grip the handles and keep peddling. Even though the sweat pours down my back.

grip the handles and keep peddling...hmm...

I realized in the last few days, that this is what I really need to keep doing. If I let go of the handles, I will most defanitely loose control. If I stop peddling, I won't go anywhere. Although there are hills that I have to climb, and sometimes just straight, long paths with not much to see - I must peddle. That will sustain me. Even if I don't know where I'm goin sometimes...I know that the bicycle will take me further than I ever would go by myself. Somehow, I think this bicycle is more of a literal metaphor than I originally thought.

Through this bicycle, life has become more accessible. More wonderful. More scary. More beautiful. But, my bicylce has also made life somehow more simple as well.

Sometimes, I have to go through tiny streets, or through narrow pathways, and sometimes, I have to carry it over barriers...sometimes places I don't think I should go. But, the bicycle always brings me through even the most difficult of circumstance. The most tiny of streets and the most darkest nights.

My experience of Osaka and Japan, has been made better because of my bicycle. Teaching my friend how to ride a bicycle the other night, taught me somehow that God is really taking me through an exercise of trusting Him. Hence, my bicycle has become a very tangible metaphor for me. Clinging to Him with all my might. But, allowing Him to carry me and bring me further than I ever thought I could bring myself.

2007-06-29T17:17:00.000+09:00

ok...so this is what grieving feels like...i feel like it just got more difficult. i really am away from my family...in another country...God...You are the one i must cling to...You are the one I will cling to...

the ambiguity of grieving

2007-06-27T10:53:00.000+09:00

When someone passes away, its hard to know what should do or how you should behave. Especially being out here, where I have felt a little powerless to do anything, the process of grieving and dealing with my grief has changed a little.

When I found out my grandpa passed away on Saturday night, my reaction was one of shock and disbelief. What was I supposed to do? After a long, teary conversation with a close friend and my parents, I began to calm down, hear myself think again, and begin to journal and try to understand what God was trying to say through this situation. Sometimes, when someone passes away we expect to react in a way that God has stolen something from us. While I have felt kind of an emptiness inside these last few days, my grieving process has changed from being passive to a kind of active grieving. Being away from my family I think has caused this reaction.

I've been writing a letter to my grandfather to be read at the funeral. Asking my parents questions about what happened. Journalling. Asking more questions. Sending flowers to my grandma. Doing more journalling. Taking a long ride on my bicycle.

Grieving is a strange thing. You don't really know what you should do with yourself. You cry a little. Laugh a little. Get mad. You cry alot. Laugh alot. And then cry again...you get the picture. But you always seem to feel ambiguous about everything. I have had relatives pass away before, but I was always surrounded by family, and I could see their faces and hold their hand. But, not having them here, has been difficult. But, it has also challenged me to again cling to God. To really cling, and to try to listen more attentively to what He is saying through all this. Maybe, this whole experience is about trusting him. To just let go of myself, and to trust Him. If anything, in the last 10 months, a reoccuring theme has been trust. And learning that God really does have all of us in his hands.

This song has been repeatedly in my head these last few days. I hope that where ever you are at, that you can find some truth in it,

When everything is wrong
The day has passed and nothing's done
And the whole world seems against me
When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head
I'm afraid of sinking in despair

Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what you're bringing me will
Change my life and bring you glory

There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord,
you are the calmer of the storm.

You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed & the power of your will
Cuz I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget your grace
And you say, "Peace, be still."

There on the storm I am learning to let go
The white wave's high, it's crashing o'er the deck
And I don't know where I go
Where are you Lord, is my ship going down?
The mast is gone so throw the anchor
Should I jump and try to swim to land?

There on the storm, teach me God to understand
Of the Will that I just cannot control
There may I see all your love protecting me
I thank you Lord, you are the calmer of the storm
(Calmer of the Storm, Downhere)

to my grandpa...

2007-06-25T20:09:00.000+09:00

Mom, here are my thoughts for grandpas funeral. I hope this is ok. Its so hard to sum him up in one word.

Dear Grandpa,

I can remember as kids, Julie and always had good memories of you. Whether it was playing in our backyard at Glenmore, being chased up the stairs by you, or being given those whisker rubs that we claimed we always hated (but really, now that I think about it they made us laugh). And your joy-filled laughter still echoes in my mind, as I recall sitting on your lap numerous times during Christmas holidays. And you never hesitated to dish out the tickle attacks on Julie and I.

One thing that will always remain etched in my mind was your ability to make anything with your hands. So intricitely. So carefully. Anything that you ever made for Julie and I, you signed it, you left your mark somehow. So there was no mistaking who made it. We have countless doll houses, a rocking horse and numberous miniature figures that you always wrote a note on and signed. There is evidence of you all around. I can still smell the fresh wood shavings of your shop in the garage, when we would come over to you and grandmas house. You have made your stamp on my childhood, and your memory will be engraved in my heart forever.

It breaks my heart that I can't be there today to celebrate your life, and to think about all that you have done and accomplished. I think what I have learned being here in Japan and having this experience, is that life is to be treasured and not taken for granted. Especially, remembering to value those we care about. You are one of those people. And to hold them close. Like a special charm in our pocket that we always carry with us.

So Grandpa, I guess this is goodbye for now. Until we meet again. I love you.

Jane

fragile lives

2007-06-20T01:38:00.000+09:00

Today, I found out that a girl I went to high school with, Jennifer, has passed away, due to a long battle with cancer. And she was the same age as many of my friends and the people I went to high school with. She died May 6th of this year. Somehow the small problems of my day seem to all drift away at the thought of this.

I never knew her personally, I only knew her face from seeing her in the hallways, and hearing her name called by friends. Maybe our lives are more fragile and valuable than we think. Maybe we just aught to treat each day as a valuable treasure. One that is kept close and held dear. But most of all, a treasure that is to be shared with others. In close and supportive community.

Sometimes, I wonder why life is cut short. Like a switch. Sometimes without warning. And sometimes death awaits us, as we anticipate its knock on our door. As my family is currently experiencing with my grandfather... waiting...wondering when the day will be.

Maybe its times like these where we just aught to stop...sit...and be thankful for our lives. To take a deep breath. Not to fear death, but just to realize that with each passing day comes another chance to grow, experience, and breath. Maybe, this is what life is about.

As Jenn was my age, this is a sobering thought. So, here I will sit and think about her fragile and valuable life. And everything else melts away...

continual impressions

2007-06-15T00:28:00.000+09:00

to where the wind calls my name...

2007-06-14T22:39:00.000+09:00

Kinkauji Temple in Kyoto with my parents.
The Nunobiki Herb Park in Kobe
Visiting a tea house at the Koko-en gardens in Himeji
Trying a outdoor footspa at Arashiyama Station, in Kyoto
My friend Emi, who I do language exchange with, took my family for a day in Kyoto. She met us in Osaka in the morning, wearing her kimono!
----

Why is it that when you are with the people you love the most, that time passes the quickest? Why is it that the moments seem to fly right over your head, before you have the chance to realize?

Having the chance to share this country with my family was perhaps the most wonderful thing. To share with them the things I have seen, the people I have met and the way I live day to day, meant so much.

There are moments from the past 2 weeks that I want to stay etched in my mind for the rest of my life. Some moments seem epically surreal, others seem perhaps more small and personal. Both share equal significance for me. Whether it was strolling through the Imperial Palace in Kyoto;walking along the shores of Miyajima Island; having few words while standing the Peace Park of Hiroshima; gazing at the golden beauty of Kinkakuji Temple; introducing the joy of kushikatsu; taking my sister to kareoke; going shopping with my mom; or just sitting and having a long talk with my dad. Every moment was memorable. Every moment special.

Most of my travels over the last nine months, have been about self discovery. Each place seemingly revealling its own secret to me. Each place being a gift to unwrap. Having the chance to share this gift with my family, brought a new sort of discovery and perspective on my experience here. I had the chance to re-visit the places that I have grown to love, and to see them again through fresh and impressionable eyes. And seeing new things together as a family, allowed us to share in the joy of discovering uncharted territory.

Having my family visit also helped me understand how Japan has changed and it changing me. How it has shaped my thinking about life, about family, about priorities, and what I choose to live for. Most of all, it seems that the simple things have become of greatest significance for me. Seeing the sun set and rise, always having a project to dedicate myself to, having music in my ears, and my journal by my side.

Although this country continually impresses its images on me and changes me, one thing always remains a constant: the companionship of someone greater than me. The ear that is always listening to my thoughts. And the once quiet whisper that has now become a voice that resonates in my heart and mind.

I can't help but think that the last 9 months have been like somewhat of a pregnant (is this the word I want to use?) pause in my life. A break, but also a time of preparation and expectation. And a time that has birthed new things in my life. This family visit allowed me to become even more conscious of the beauty and mystery that exists here. But, maybe more importantly, the beauty and mystery that can exist in all of our lives. Maybe we just need to tap into it. Or that this mystery is just waiting to tap into us.

As I said goodbye to my family yesterday, this time until Christmas, the words of a familiar song echoed in my ear:

"I want to go where the mountains are high enough to echo my song... I want to go where the stars shine bright enough to show me the way... I want to go where the wind calls my name."

To my family: your are on my mind as I sit here on my futon. And as the rain pours outside my window. In this big city.

"lying in my bed...I hear the clock ticking... and think of you"

2007-05-28T23:44:00.000+09:00

to mom, dad, and julie...

As I sit to write this entry, I have butterflies. I can't wait to see you in 2 days. I can't believe it! The time has flown (no pun intended). I was getting the students to tell me interesting facts about Osaka the other day, in order to properly introduce you to this city. Here's what they came up with:

-The Kansai Airport is the worlds only floating airport, and aparently every year, it is gradually sinking. Ummm...maybe something you didn't want to know.

-The Yodogawa River is the river that runs through Osaka, and is the prominent spot of the Firworks Fesitval in August.

-There are 808 bridges in Osaka

-Osaka is also known as the Merchant City, alot of trade is done by water.

-Osaka is the home of the Hanshin Tigers (baseball team)

-the city is also the headquarters of Yomiuri Television. In case you decide you want to watch some Japanese t.v while you are here.

-The biggest building in Osaka is the Umeda Sky Building, with the floating garden observatory on top (I hope to take you here on Thursday). You know, its only like 38 stories or something...no big deal.

-Signature Osaka food: Takoyaki (Octopus Balls) - which I will make you try when we go to Osaka Castle!!

Something interesting that I found:

"The population of Osaka Prefecture is 8,804,806 , or seven percent of the total population of Japan, ranking second after Tokyo Prefecture.
Osakans are especially famous among their fellow Japanese for their strong character. Osakans speak the Osaka dialect even when in Tokyo and tend to be easygoing anywhere. People tend to think of Osaka as a town of merchants, and one of the most famous exchange of phrases translates roughly as, “Have you been making any money? / Well, just getting by.” In one survey, Osaka ranked first among prefectures as a place whose image was described as very industrious. In addition, people tend to associate Osaka with lively, brignt images like “vigorous,” “cheerful and aggressive,” and “friendly.” Indeed, it is said that each prefecture in the Kansai area is blessed with its own unique characteristics, and comparisons of the residents of each prefecture reflect these wide differences."

-----

I am anticipating your visit more than you know. I can't wait to finally show people what my world looks like. Mostly because you will be able to see it with your eyes, walk on it's ground, smell it's air, and hear it's sound. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes...I hope this place will come alive for you, as it has for me.

being intentionally aimless...and managing to find something beautiful

2007-05-23T23:53:00.000+09:00

I spent the last 2 days doing alot of walking. Perhaps the most I have ever done yet. I kind of re-discovered Osaka again. I walked in Dotonbori area, which is filled with equal amount of people and bright lights, and good shopping. The humidty is starting to come back again. I can remember when I first got here last August, and it seemed almost unbearable. But, I have yet to experience a full Osaka summer. And from what I have heard, it will be interesting. Up to 38 degrees or something. Nonetheless, it was good to wander the streets of this bright city again. Seeing bizarre people, interesting fashion, and street vendors yelling at you from various directions.

In the spirit of discovery, my second day off took me to Wakayama. A 1.5 hr train ride south of Osaka. Having really no idea what to expect, I took my camera, my journal and my music in my ears, and headed south on the JR. Perhaps one of the things I find most charming about this country are its train stations. Each with its own atmosphere and distinct character. Some more charming than others. While waiting in Tennoji station in Osaka, I had time to wait for my train. I had a chance to look at the windows, the platforms, the arriving trains, the surrounding cafes, the busy people, the small children. Not sure what intrigued me exactly. Everything was just in its place. And everyone had someplace to go.

The train ride to Wakayama is a journey into the country side. Lush valleys, some farm land, and hills as far as the eye can see. Once arriving in this city, many people hit the beach or visit some of the less advertized sight-seeing spots. I had a little trouble navigating myself at first, but I managed to find my way to the castle and to a mountain top temple, Kimiidera. My original plan was to hit the beach, but these other things captured me. I was struck by the more remote feeling of Wakayama. Fewer large buildings, friendlier people. One man even led me to my bus stop, and extended his arm to me.

I mostly took my time today, strolling and wandering aimlessly, studying the walls of this castle, and taking in the view from the top. It was a sunny and humid day. People play in a nearby park, and parents stroll with their kids.

Further down the road wasw Kimiidera. A temple nestled the mountainside. The temple peaks through the lush trees in the distance as I approach the base. I slowly make my way up the 230 stone steps, and look over my shoulder to keep checking the view of Wakayama. I'm greeted by various old wood structures, coloured curtains, lanterns and small pools of water. The smell of incense in the air. I'm not sure if there was anything that particularly struck me about this place, but the view behind me of the ocean made for a picturesque afternoon.

Somedays here, I love having no agenda. Not really sure of what I'm going to see. But, just to travel for the sake of traveling. Some days are truely breathtaking, and other are...well...just non-agendid (I think I just came up with this...) walks for the sake of exploring. I love that I can do that here. Sometimes, it just nice to have a train window to look out of, or to see people doing their grocery shopping or taking a stroll, or having my favorite songs playing in my ear. Maybe thats what today was about...being proactively aimless. I like that...

sail on silver girl...

2007-05-19T21:36:00.000+09:00

I saw these children today on the train to work. It was so refreshing. Each with their little white hat and backpack. All 50 of them trying to keep their balance as the train made its way to Kita Senri. A few trying to catch a glimpse of the only foreigner in the train car. It was these children that made an impression on me today...

Today, as I put my new music in my ears, and new shoes on my feet, I was reminded that I am not the same me. As much as I feel like I have become comfortable with this country, there are always daily surprises, which has given me an ever present anticipation. I am being stretched, pulled, pushed, turned, held back, humbled, exposed, and moved. Just when I think that I have become a stronger person - more confident, more capable - I am reminded that my companionship with God is what gives me this strength. Somedays, I have felt my confidence has never been so high before. Then, and perhaps most importantly, when I begin to attribute this to myself, I trip. Quite literally actually. And I am reminded of my dependance on His character and not my own.

My theory is that when you travel, there is some sort of secret that is revealed to you. Some sort of wisdom or knowledge that touches your world and leaves its finger print. I don't know about any wisdom I have, but something has left its finger print in my life that will not be washed away. A beautiful finger print. I don't even know what it looks like exactly. I think somedays that my heart is trying to catch up with my head. I know the finger print is there. I catch glimpses of it sometimes: in the children on the subway, in the red of a torii gate, something in my student's faces, in the freshness of spring, in the hospitality extended to me by the Japanese, and the kindness of strangers in a train station. For me, the secrets of this country are profound, and yet so simple and even practical maybe. Maybe I will never even know how to articulate them or even make sense of them in my own heart.

I guess I will just continue to wake up in the morning, walk to the train station, and somehow collect myslef, and continually look for fingers prints along the way...

its all greek to me...

2007-05-12T23:17:00.000+09:00

Today I was reminded, once again, why I love my job.

In the voice room, I was discussing with some of the students what it means to be a foreigner. Both my experience and their experience in travelling in other countries. I told them recently I have felt that when I see other foreigners like myself on the street or in a subway station, I feel as though I know them or I have seen them somewhere before. And I feel like I should acknowledge them with a smile or a nod. They spoke of similar experiences being in other countries, the feeling of familiarity with other Japanese. I told them, "I got to be honest guys, I have no idea how to tell the difference between Japanese, Koreans or the Chinese. In looks and in personality." One student promptly told me this difference:
When you walk on the street, and you pass by a Korean, they will smile back at you.
When you pass by the Chinese, they will give you a stern look.
When you plass by the Japanese, they will just look away as quickly as possible.

But, the students reminded me of another difference - the japanese are apparently more inclined to bow exponentially more than the Koreans and the Chinese. I will vouch for this - every where you go in this country, they bow and bow and bow. As you enter, as you exit, as you go to work, as you finish work. They said this is one of the most recognizable behavior patterns in Japan. And I just thought they all had back problems...

And of course, one student also mentioned the ever so recognizable "Japanese spirit." - you can just sense the person is Japanese. Their atmosphere is somehow different and more permeable. While standing in line at a public washroom once, this student claimed she had a Korean in front of her, and a Japanese behind her...the atmosphere was just "different" (apparently)

One student then told me that Koreans are in fact better dressers than the Japanese. More put together. "But...but" - he said,... perhaps the most identifiable difference between these groups: their smell. The Koreans apparently smell of kimchi and garlic. Its seeping from their pores. A doctor in my group mentioned that when a Korean patient walks into her clinic, she can immediately smell garlic in the air. So, of course, they must be Korean! Naturally.

I feel as though if I were to go back to Canada, and see a group of Asians, I might be able to scout out the differences...but, if someone bows to me, and has the faint smell of kimichi with a hint of garlic, and I'm concerned about their wardrobe choice...I may have no options, other than to consult my japanese spirit 6th sense - which I haven't tapped into yet...

"walk towards me. slip your hand in mine"

2007-05-10T02:22:00.000+09:00

Today, I felt unusually happy. A strange sort of happy. The sun was shining. The air, warm. I got out of bed, made myself a cup of coffee, nothing really out of the ordinary. Two of my teacher friends stopped by the aparment, we had a visit. Knowing that I had to work overtime today, it didn't seem to bother me. My messy room somehow seemed to not pre-occupy my thoughts, like it normally does. The thoughts and feelings that usually creep in with the winter...are now absent. You can smell the freshness in the air.

Hello self. I've missed you.

Tonight as I was swimming laps at the pool after work, I was reminded that to this day, I still have very little knowledge of the social rules of this country. And somewhere inbetween this lack of knowledge, something has emerged. I have drawn no coherant conclusions about how people dress here, how they behave, nor have I found my lost change in the vending machine down the street, but I feel like I have found something more important...can I tell you what it is?

Can I?

A strange sort of companionship.

A Someone is saying to me, whispering to me, slip your hand in mine. I will take you. But wait, lets rest a while. Here. This is a good spot.
I'm being asked to take my time. To really take my time. Not to delay. But to consider, whatever it is that needs considering.

Since coming back from my visit home, I feel like I have entered a new season here. I'm ready to take on new things. To learn to things. I never thought that I would come to a point where I am ready to embrace whatever this country has for me. I thought before that coming to Japan meant reaching a goal and finishing something. I am not only learning to live in the grey...but I'm learning to embrace it...and to soak my feet in it. I've also learned that I'm actually really peculiar, I like crumbs, and I like sleeping with my feet outside the covers, and I like staying up late, trying to finish something or other.

I'm writing this edition somewhere inbetween today and tommorrow. Perhaps the best time.

So, I feel a strange sort of happy. You know that feeling you get, when you stretch in the morning...I mean...really stretch, and something in you turns on. This is the strange sort of happy I feel. Its the kind that I seemingly haven't allowed myself to feel before. Until now...

2007-05-08T12:46:00.000+09:00

A while back a friend sent me this song, and the lyrics seemed to communicate something that I can't. Since coming back from Canada a few days ago, I've tried to do more walking, just for the sake of walking. I find myself somehow breathing deeper, not feeling so rushed and seeing things that I never noticed before...

Can't close my eyes
They're wide awake
Every hair on my body
has got a thing for this place
Oh empty my heart
I've got to make room for this feeling
so much bigger than me

It couldn't be any more beautiful - I can't take it in.

Weightless in love...unraveling
For all that's to come
and all that's ever been
We're back to the board
with every shade under the sun
Let's make it a good one

It couldn't be any more beautiful

the laughter and tears of the familiar.

2007-05-04T06:35:00.000+09:00

So...here we are, futon...its you and me once again. I feel like I have missed you a little. I have a new computer for you to meet. I'm sure you two will become very good friends over the next while.

Futon, as I sit here at 6:30 in the morning, jet lagged, waiting to get ready for work, I must tell you that I have loved our times together over these last few months. I feel as though it was good for us to be apart this last week, to gain some perspective from each other. But, absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder. So, I guess I'm saying I have missed you. I think thats how I felt about visit home. I have grown to truely love where I come from. I has so good and refreshing to sit on a big comfy couch, to drive in a car with friends on an open road, with wheat fields in my view, and to laugh and cry with familiarity once again.

I thought coming back to you, futon, would be difficult or that I would feel torn between two places. Although I was in between tears on Tuesday to come back to Osaka, I felt it was ok. I felt like I was going to be ok. And after the long 9.5 hr flight, I stepped off that plane, gathered my things and made my way back to my apartment. This time, taking the bus. Travelling past Osaka's skyscrapers, the massive harbor, and seeing the city like it was my first time, only different now.

These last few months, I have been pre-occupied with change, wanting to see new things, experience new things. I forgot what a gift the familiar actually is. It renews us. Sustains us. Reminds us that we are normal. That we are loved.

So, futon, its just you and me once again. You are somehow softer than before.

so, what does all this mean?

2007-04-20T23:44:00.000+09:00

Today, I had a moment to myself, I was just thinking about the last 7 months here. How can I possibly come to terms with it all? Will there ever be a chance for my heart to catch up with my head? This country has made, is making and will continue to have an impression on me. In light of coming home in a few days, I am so excited to be reunited with the people I cherish most. How will it all feel? What will I be thinking? Am I different? Or more the same? Or maybe just better aquainted with myself.
Just as I can't understand the wind, so I can't fathom what this experience is doing for me. I'm sure there are many of you who have had defining experiences in your life. I'm not talking about the epic ones, the big ones, but the experiences that allow us to fall into the lap of the present. The moments that call us out of our past, and the moments where we don't worry about the future. Where we can here our voice, and the sound of our own breathing. And maybe even the breath of something higher than ourselves.
Maybe it sounds so cliche, but all we really do have is the present. I remember reading some truth before that we don't need to worry about what we will wear, or what we will eat...but we must consider the lilies. I have always liked this word consider. There is sort of a mindful presence here. Maybe its taking time to not only consider the lilies, but to consider the power of every moment.
For the longest time, I can remember wanting to do something like this. Living away for a time, in a completely different place. I guess it has been a dream. To do something completely just for me. And no one else. And now that I have stepped into this dream, the present feels very meaningful. Sometimes scary. Sometimes overwhelming. Sometimes wonderful.I never thought I would feel this way. This is wher language seems to be failing me now.
When I come home to visit in a few days, will I see myself differently? Will I see you differently? Or maybe, I will just see more clearly now the rain is gone...

the 5 senses of home

2007-04-19T10:48:00.000+09:00

As I woke up this morning, I thought to myself, hmm...this time next week, I will be waking up in my parents house, in soft, cozy covers. There is something about going home that recharges us, that some how gives us perspective on the world once again. Hold that thought...maybe its actually the soft, cozy covers that give us that perspective. In the midst of packing and attempting to sort through my never ending laundry, I am awaiting the moments where I can crash onto a fluffy bed, be embraced by my dads famous bear hugs, smell and taste my moms food, hear my sister playing piano downstairs, and see my friends faces after 7 months.
These moments have been missed. On any given day, maybe these individual things are not so special. But, I have found that over the last 7 months, its the things that I have taken for granted in the past, that I have missed. The small things. The things that I evidently love about home the most.
Only 4 more days.
I can't wait.
I can't wait.

In desperate anticipation,

Jane.

earthquake.

2007-04-15T18:35:00.000+09:00

Today, in Mie prefecture, close to Osaka, there was an earthquake. And Osaka was effected as well. My whole branch was shaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It happened around noon. In the midst of conversation, the walls started to shake and our desks as well. Everyone went silent. Now call me lame, but it was only a 3 on the scale, but I got completely frieked out. ITs kinda hard to come to turms with the walls around you shaking. So much so that I had to hold my books on the table. Little did I know at the time, that later my body would completely sieze up. My body aches, I think from adrenaline or something. No damage anywhere...I think. Just trying to come to turms with living in an unstable...literally....country.
I don't know what I'm feeling at the moment. I guess just tired and sore. All I know is...I love the stable ground that is Canada.

"daniel san...show me...sand the floor...."

2007-04-13T22:28:00.000+09:00

Current location: couch in my apartment
Currently eating: beef and rice, with tea on the side.
Currently watching: Karate Kid 2.

I made my second attempt to visit my favorite place...the immigration office. It was a rather humid in Osaka today, as I made my way on 3 subway lines. I knew that the office stopped taking people at 4pm, so I was running in between stations. I usually find here that things tend to take longer and usually take more effort then expected. And you usually end up sweating at some point.
The subway was extra crowded today. I almost had to laugh as it pulled up to the station, as everyone inside was squeezed in like sausages. And as the doors opened, the people poured out. My feet sore from my high heels, so I took off my shoes as I sat down on the seat. Got a strange look from a business man.By the time I made it to Tanimachi, a bead of sweat slid down my back.

I was beginning to doubt that I would make it on time, as I attempted to walk in my heels, feet now blistering. (Why do I even wear them? I must admit...I do like the feeling sometimes of walking with my coffee in hand, wearing my blazer and heels and stepping on the train in the mornings on th way to work. I somehow feel...important. I digress)

I remembered I forgot to write down the exit last time...so of course, I took the wrong one. Ended up at Osaka Castle though. Nice place. Looked at my watch. 3:40pm. Dang. I So I made the only logical decision- I took my shoes off, and ran in my bare feet to the office! 3:50. Took the elevator. Put my shoes back on. No time to stop for a toilet break. Quickly handed my passport, filled out a re-entry form in...get this...2 minutes! Sweat now pouring down my forehead. Its now 3:55. I was given a number and told to wait. I made it. I made it. I was sweaty and disgusting...but I made it.
2 hours later, I walked out with my re-entry permit in hand. Feeling proud of myself. Sweating profusively. But proud.

Its really the small victories in life that help sustain us, isn't it.

aching for my visit home...

2007-04-10T14:24:00.000+09:00

I just talked to my dad a couple minutes ago...and I just got really excited to come home in a few weeks. So much so, that my heart aches to feel the hugs and see the smiles and tears of the people I love most. These past 7 months, I have missed you all, and I'm so excited to see you again. As I sit here, on my futon, a place I have grown to love, with teary eyes...please know that I wish I could be there beside you right now. I really hope these next two weeks go by quickly. April 23rd still seems so far away.

japanese cherry blossoms: the surprising resurrection

2007-04-06T21:55:00.000+09:00

These were taken the last few days at Nijo Castle in Kyoto and Banpaku Park in Osaka. www.dropshots.com/erickson_jane to see more if you like.

Its Easter weekend. Most likely, you are with your families. Eating good food, sharing wine together, worshipping at church and reflecting on life.For me, this is an Easter like no other. Mostly because all the things I typically associate with the holiday are absent. Family. Church. And good food. But, I guess I have learned something new about myself that I would like to share with you.

These last few days, I have been to a few places in Kyoto and Osaka, wanting to participate in the cherry blossom festivities that Japan so dearly loves. Mostly, to take all the pictures that I could. And to see these flowers up close. Little did I know how much these little white flowers would speak to me.

I realized how much coming to Japan this year was actually about sacrifice and letting go. Sacrifice for not only me, but my family as well. Us having the courage to let go of each other for a time. Not really knowing what the outcome would be. Its almost like a grieving takes place. A time of separating from attachments. I remember fall and winter in Osaka, being a time of cold weather and bare trees. I felt like this was kind of the wilderness I was wandering into. By the time all the leaves had fallen...everything around me seemed to be barren. But, this needed to happen in order for new things to take place. I guess God was teaching me, and is teaching me still, that I need to die to myself, in order for new life to emerge. I didn't actually know how much this time would mean an even greater anticipation of things to come.

Part of the beauty of the cherry blossom, is that it is surprisingly beautiful. I think I just said beauty in the same sentance. There are so many clustered together. Some of the places I visit over the last few days, I would turn the corner of Nijo Castle, for example, and see a whole lane of nothing but cherry blossoms above. I walked a larger street in Banpaku Park today, and above me only the decorated branches of the cherry trees. And families and couples stretched out for picnics, drinking sake and partaking in bento boxes. Its as if everyone is together, in a tent of white blossoms, if you will. If you can picture it. Its as if a shelter is created by these flowers. There is life surrounding you - above you, behind you, beside you. Its as if everyone becomes like a child again, standing in awe and playing beneath the trees. I couldn't help but feel in awe of my Creator, like a child. Wanting to look up, and loose myself in the beauty. Or try to collect the falling petals in my hands.

And yet, with so much beauty, there also appears to be mystery as well. A mystery that is hard to articulate. As I strolled these streets decorated with sukura, I felt some sort of renewal take place. I feel like I see easter differently. I feel easter differently. The death and resurection that we think about during this time of year, is so often experienced in our heads. At least, this is how I experienced it for a long time. What if we are meant to see it, to feel it in our hands, to taste it, and to drink it in. For the women who came to the tomb on the third day of Jesus' death, I think they must have been very surprised and didn't know what to do with themselves. A resurrection? Who knew????!!!! For me, I couldn't even fathom the beauty of such a flower. Nor have the feeling of surprise attached with it.

I wish I was a poet at times like these, I don't seem to have the words to quite let you into my heart or my thoughts. All I have are these few awkward thoughts and phrases.

Easter. Maybe, we need to taste, eat, and see it. This is my prayer for each of you as you both grieve Jesus's death, and celebrate the stone being rolled away. I wish you a surprising resurrection season!!

ummm....where did I leave my hair?

2007-04-01T23:35:00.000+09:00

This is potentially the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. There are so many hair pieces in Japan...and so little adhesive to hold them secure. Seriously, everyone has them here. I even see men on the subway adjusting them once in a while. A friend of a friend took this picture. They are brilliant.

I love Japan. And moments such as these. A classic one.

Laughing my head off,

Jane.

cherry blossoms: therapeutic

2007-03-31T21:23:00.000+09:00

So, after my trying day, and feeling anxious and frustrated...I rode the train home tonight...and to my left and to my right...where the cherry blossoms. My first sighting! And lanterns lit at the base of the trees. My anxiety and stress immediately melted away. My heart was lighter. It was a lovely moment. To see the famous white flowers illuminated by a soft light. And to see small vendors selling japanese treats under the trees. I was reminded that everyday is new. And with every night comes a strange sort of healing and peace. And perhaps with everyday comes a new blessing. For me, this blessing was clothed in cherry blossoms. Perhaps, most blessings come in disquise. And, when we look up...there it is. To our surprise. Something that encourages us, inspires us or just sustains us for the day.

I can hardly wait to run my hands along the trees and to see them up close.

"how long until my soul gets it right..."

2007-03-30T17:49:00.000+09:00

So, lately I would call myself a procrastinator. I have been setting goals for myself, telling myself a deadline...and then, it all falls by the wayside. As I am getting ready to come home for a visit in the next few weeks, there are things that I just can't ignore. Like working out re-entering the country when I come back to Japan, and transfering money etc. And, last week my bike was taken from outside the train station...so I must identify and colllect it at an office a few stations away. Argh. Sounds like identifying a dead body or something.

None of these things I want to do. But, I must do them. Argh.

Yesterday, I watched a movie during the day, and then decided I must make my way to the bank in the afternoon, think I would have enough time. Yeah. It was closed. So, my deadline for transfering money is out the window. Argh.

Today, I thought I would really make an effort to get these things accomplished. AFter getting off at 2pm from work, I make my way to the city ward office in hopes of getting a re-entry permit - so I can come back into the Japan. I arrived to a busy office, and many line ups. I stopped by the information desk, and I asked them about getting a re-entry permit...so, they not only pointed me in the right direction, but they took me where I needed to go. I waited for about 30 minutes (its ok. i don't mind waiting so much), and proceed to the counter...in which they told me a need to go to the immigration office- on other end of the city! Argh. I minded this.

What I don't understand about Japan sometimes is that they seem to hand you off to another person...you then wait...for another person..you wait again...for yet another person to tell you, you are in the wrong place. Argh.

So, by this time, its around 3:30, so I make my way to the immigration office - 2 trains to get there. And, I take what I thought was the right exit...and underestimating the number of exits there actually were. I go in the direction of what I thought was north for about 10 minutes. I stop in at a hotel, and ask the front desk (in japanese, I might add)...and basically find out I have been walking in the wrong direction. So, I quickly make my way in the right direction. I turn, at what I thought was the right corner, and somehow find myself in a seniors home! I asked once again where the office is, and they give me what seems like better directions. I walk 10 more minutes and find what I think is the immigration office. A big tall building with the word passport written on it.Then, I soon discover that this is not infact the immigration office. Of course its not. That would just be too easy wouldn't it. Argh.

I head back out onto the street...stop for a quick cold latte...soon regrettting this decision.

I FINALLY make it to the immigration office. And after talking the elevator to a series of 3 wrong floors, I come to where I need to be...its 4:15pm.

And I am greeted by a sign saying "CLOSED"

Argh.

Argh.

ARGH!

By this time, I had broken a sweat. I threw out my half empty cold coffee in the garbage, and sadly make my way back to the station...today was not a good day in Japan. As I sit with my alcoholic drink beside me...I contemplate...why is it the things you think will take a short time, end up taking 3 times as long, and the things you think will be difficult end up being simple and brainless.

Argh. And again I say...argh!

"this is our cry. this is our prayer. to build peace in the world"

2007-03-24T22:29:00.000+09:00

I have now had a few days, to collect myself, to pick up the pieces of my experience at Hiroshima city.

---

As I approached the A-Bomb Dome, once getting of the street car, the feeling that came over me...perhaps I will never be able to articulate this to anyone. Or even make sense of my own thoughts. To know that the Peace Park, in which this monument is situated, was once complete devistation from the atomic bomb, one can only hope or pray to come to turms with this. At times, I felt myself closing my eyes wondering if this was really standing before me.

"As a historical witness that conveys the tragedy of suffering the first atomic bomb in human history as a symbol that vows to faithfully seek the abolition of nuclear weapons and everlasting world peace. Genbaku Dome (former Hiroshima Prefectures Industrial Promotion Hall), was added to the World Heritage List in accordance with the "Convention Concerning the Protection of World Cultural and Natral Heritage." December 7, 1996, Hiroshima City.

The chill of seeing this sight, and the strange loudness of peace that filled the air, will always be in my mind. To have fallen in the shadow of such a monument, as the sun shone the day I visited the Peace Park...this memory, will never leave me. To know that a single, man made object, dropped from 600m in the air, wiped out basically everything within a 3km radius, and claimed 200 000 lives...its hard to even imagine such an event, when you step onto the grounds of the now Peace Park. Both devistation and peace now existing together.

Walking along the banks of the river, with the Dome in my view, I came to the Childrens Peace Monument. It still sends chills down my spine recalling what I saw. On the top of this peculiar shaped monument was the statue of Sadako (100o paper crane story), as she lifts a single crane entrusted with dreams for a peaceful future. And behind it, are colour upon colour of uncountable paper cranes. Sent from all around the world. I felt myself wondering...is this a dream. Am I really here? I saw a child and mother who came to pray underneath this structure and to ring the bell of peace, in hopes of a world without bombings or war.

Walking to the Peace Museum, later in the afternoon, listening to perhaps most haunting stories of the effects of the a-bomb over 60 years ago. Stories of children having lost their hair from the radiation; human skin being burned from a 3km radious of the hypocentre; hearing of a mother who caresses her son's head and his hair coming out in clumps; seeing the tattered clothing of young boys and girls; an old stop watch that reads 8:15- the exact time of the bombing; reading about a mother recieving her dead daughters bag and hat on her front door 3 days after the incident; viewing an old, tarnished, burnt bicycle of a three year old boy who was killed instantly from the bomb; a photograph of a woman who's kimono pattern was burned right onto her skin; photos of children wandering the streets with burnt skin and no family; bent, iron shutters from an old department store, as a result of the intense heat; seeing shards of glass in a stone wall; viewing a large panoramic photograph of the Hiroshima a few days after the bombing...everything in ashes...I could go on.

As I walked back out to the centre of the peace park, I somehow saw it differently now. I wept. Maybe for what I saw. Maybe for what I was feeling. Maybe for what I was thinking. Finally having to sit down. I looked up, saw the sun, and realized that hope and peace are what remains in this place. I remember reading a quote in the museum that said no plants were expected to grow after such an incident, but just a short time after the bombing, a small flower emerged out of the ground. Hiroshima is a lovely, majestic city, having now been rebuilt and is dedicated to promoting peace around the world.

As the sun set in Hiroshima, and I made my way back to the station to go back to Osaka that evening, I had no words. I was glad to be alone with my thoughts and my journal. I did leave Hiroshima with sadness, but with so much hope as well. I haven't been keeping track of my calender all that much, but Easter is soon approaching. A season that I see differently now. Where there is death, so there will also be new life. And this is what will remain: faith, hope and love.

While the greatest of these is love, Hiroshima has taught me hope.

thoughts on miyajima island

2007-03-24T21:57:00.000+09:00

Miyajima. Little did I know about this island, just on the other side of Hiroshima.

I finally went further outside Osaka. For an overnight trip. Taking the Shinkansen, one of the fast bullet trains in Japan. With nothing but my backpack, my camera, and an open mind. It was clear last Tuesday morning as I arrived after 1.5 hrs on the train, and arrived in Hiroshima station. Once finding my hotel, and having a latte (my most favoritest things in Japan actually), I hopped onto the local train to the port of Miyajima. Once getting on the ferry, I had no idea what exactly I would be seeing. I was greeted by the bluest of oceans, and the bluest of skies, and Miyijima island approaching me, and the floating red torii in the water.

I instantly was captured by the beauty and intimacy of this island. Although seemingly huge, this island's feel is one of intimacy. To many mountainside shrines and pagodas to count, small japanese streets, old shops, traditional stores, monks walking in wooden shoes, and the smell of insense burning in the air. This island was mine for the taking. Endless walking paths, always encountering something new. I was even surprised by a mountain top open air cafe, with an entire view of the ocean and the red torii. As I sipped my green tea, a nacked on my japanase sweet, and wrote in my journal, felt the sun on my face and gazed out into the distance, I felt a glimpse of something that was beyond me.

Later in the afternoon, as the tide went out, hundreds of people gather around the torii, in the mud, to collect clams from the sand.

Having walked most of the day, I managed to catch the sunset on Miyajima. Lets see if I can set the scene for you: As I sat on the shores of the island, in between 2 mountains infront of me, the sun was slowly setting between these mountains. The sky turning various shades of pink and red. All of this taking place with the torii in the foreground.

As I was walking back to port to catch the evening ferry, I kept turning around to make sure that this was all still happening before my eyes. The setting sun, the ocean air, and the torii. Perhaps I will never have another day like this one.

images etched in my mind: hiroshima.

2007-03-22T00:38:00.000+09:00

I thought I might be able to find the words for what I saw today...for now, I'm just going to leave you with these. Because these are on my mind. Words are not, at the moment. I just need a few days, or perhaps the rest of my life, to process the impact of visiting the A-Bomb Dome in the city of Hiroshima. I have images of dispair, devistation, hope and faith etched in my mind from today...

can you hear the sound of your own voice?

2007-03-18T19:08:00.000+09:00

This afternoon, I had an interesting conversation with a student.

This particular student, we will call him Yoshi, thought it was time that we just close our text book and have free conversation today. I like Yoshi for this reason. Whenever I see him on my schedule for the day, I instantly feel my day has become more worth while. He is always quick to speak and ask teachers about their interests and their lives. Today, told me more about about his life, his work, his family and how he feels about all these things. The thing I love the most about my job is that I get to ask people as many questions as I can, and help them to express themselves in a way that is meaningful and useful.

Tom was especially curious today about intonation, or how we use our voice to communicate meaning. Tom has been getting frustrated lately because he feels he lacks english grammer and that he is affraid that he speaks like a child. I assured him that, if anything, he could probably teach me a thing or two about english grammer. I then told him that often, when we lack the words to say, we can use our tone of voice to gloss over our mistakes or shortcomings. I'm just realizing now what a profond thing this actually might be. How our tone can actually speak for us.

There is power in the way we use our voices, I think. Have you ever stopped to listen to yourself talk? Have you ever thought about what you sound like? I think doing this job has made me realize how much my job sometimes is not really about teaching english at all. Because, lets be honest, when we all learn something new, I've heard that we actually only really remember about 30% of the actual content of a persons speech. What I do know is this...any teacher that I had in university, I probably won't be able to recall the exact words they said, but I will always remember their tone of voice in my head. Because this is what resonates. There is meaning attached to the words. If I can be an affirming and encouraging voice to my students, then maybe this is all that matters.

Today, when talking with Yoshi, I felt like I somehow became alive in my speech. Learning that its not only our voice that we speak with, but its our tone, our eyes, our head, our body. These are almost the things that really speak for us. This is what people hear, so to speak. I don't know...still hashing out these ideas. Just something I felt I need to remember for myself, I guess.

"...and i'll follow you into the dark."

2007-03-17T20:14:00.000+09:00

Walking through the Gojo area at night, up a small street lit with lanterns, the sound of singing children in the distance...these all made for a magical night. Kiyomizu Dera is perhaps one of the most famous places to visit in Kyoto. If not Japan. It has been known for surviving various earthquakes, and it is actually a candidate for one of the Seven Wonders of the World!

I happened to visit on the occasion of the Hanotouro festival. During the next two weeks at the temple grounds, visitors can walk around at night to view the lit up structure and the lanterns that light up the trees and walkways that line the temple. This temple is nestled on the side of a mountain, and as I approached the red gates, I couldn't help but feel I was made for this moment. Light seemed to bring out every detail of the pagodas and the blemishes in the wood of the platforms. I turned around to be greeted by an entire view of the city sky line at night.

I looked into the distance and saw a smaller pagoda lit up, also surround by lanterns, and bare trees anxiously awaiting to be clothed in cherry blossoms.

My friend Bill and I walked around on the creaky wood floors of one part, where various people were bowing before a small buddha. I think the light at night here will always be something that is etched in my mind as a memory of Japan. So much so, that I get goosebumps as I sit here writing this. At every corner, we saw something new. Something I had never seen before. I wish that I could be present at ever moment. Hoping not to forget any details.

We then proceeded into Teapot Lane, various stores and such with japanese pottery, parisals, tea and sweets. While we were chilled to the bone, we were stopped by a store man who was offering us some green tea, and we sat by a small heater to enjoy our japanese sweets. After warming ourselves, we disovered there were more side streets to be strolled down. All lined with lanterns. We took our time, studying the old homes, the stoney streets, and the stary skies above.

I feel like Kyoto always makes me yearn for something I never had. It always seems to make a heavy impression everytime I visit there. Especially at night. Magic it is. And a little bit of mystery as well.

"..from the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring..." - japanese plum blossoms

2007-03-11T21:05:00.000+09:00

this is just the beginning of the blossoming season in japan. click on these pictures to see enlarged version. i can't believe these are merely a small taste of what the blossoms will look like in a couple weeks. i have heard that the trees are literally drooping with blossoms come late March. the cherry blossom season is so big here that the news actually has a "cherry blossom forecast" - for optimal viewing times! a student was telling me, one day, about these blossoms and how beautiful they are, and he actually started to weep a little. i love the japanese. and i love japan for this reason. although these are plum blossoms, "ume" as my students are telling me, i hope it gives you an idea of just the sheer beauty of this lovely flower.

2007-03-09T20:14:00.000+09:00

contemplating the possibility of hiroshima

I wanted to quote you something that inspired me today. I was reading my trusty companion, Lonely Planet Japan, today while on the way to work. I'm trying to decide a place I want to go in the next couple weeks, after pay day. Hiroshima during cherry blossom season is said to be one of the most beautiful in Japan. Not to mention having the chance to witness all the compelling and emotional history there. Among the many things to see in Hiroshima, you can visit the Childrens Peace Memorial. I got goosebumps when reading this today. I wanted to share it with you:

"The Childrens Peace Memorial is inspired by leukaemia victim Sadoko. When Sadoko developed leukaemia at 10 years of age she decided to fold 1000 paper cranes - an ancient Japanese custom through which is it believed that a persons wishes will come true. The crane is the symbol of longevity and happiness in Japan and she was convinced that if she could achieve that target she would recover. She died before reaching her goal, but her classmates folded the rest. The story inspired a nationwide bout of paper crane folding, which continues to this day. Strings of paper cranes from all over the Japan are kept on display around the memorial." I guess thousands of these paper cranes are sent annually in memory of Sadoko.

I remember hearing this story of Sadoko in my 3rd grade class at Robert Rundle School. Mrs. Gogo (as we called here) was my teacher. Perhaps one of the best. I always remember her bright clothing and expensive purfume. And who could forget her distunquishable personality. I remember she organized an entire unit on the country of Japan for our 3rd grade class. We did flower arranging, made paper carps, folded cranes, tried chopsticks and even attempted caligraphy. Funny that I still remember it to this day. I don't think elementary school teachers realize what an impact they actually have on their students. Because Mrs. G's class was one of the most memorable grades for me. I remember she had a japanese dinner for our class one day, but myself and another girl couldn't make it. I ended up being sick. Mrs. G, without hesitation, then took me and this girl out for Chinese (close to Japanese, anyways) food the following week! Just the three of us! She is one of those teachers who is always in the back of my mind. She made ever student feel special. I felt special.

Funny, when ever I hear the story of 1000 paper cranes mentioned, I seem to get a chill. Never in my life did I think that I would actually have the possibility of going to visit there. Maybe Mrs. Gogo somehow planted a seed somewhere in my mind, way back in the day.

I get such a beautiful image in my head when I think of 1000 paper cranes. I think Hiroshima may be calling my name.

To Mrs. Gogo, my third grade teacher - I still hope you are teaching. This is for you.

2007-03-01T23:04:00.000+09:00

art in the great unknown...

Why do we believe the lies the world tells us about ourselves? Most of these lies come from people we have never met, people we never will meet, people who we are desperately seeking approval from, and from people who have much too a big opinion about themselves. Why do we care so much?

I have noticed something in myself, since living here now for over 6 months. Anniversary day today, actually. I think I have a heathier opinion of myself. I can't believe I actually wrote this. Outloud. Considering, I came to this unknown country, by myself, into a great great unknown, releasing control on all that was familiar. Its amazing to me, how any experience of the unfamiliar can really bring us onto new ground with ourselves. You know what I mean? We confront things we don't want to confront, we see things we don't want to see...and yet...we see things that we never even dreamed we would see. The good things. The things we never knew existed. Or never even thought of embracing.

Its like looking at a painting up close. You knew it was beautiful, because you have had it on your wall your whole life. Until one day, you take time to look at the strokes, the texture, the colours. You press your nose to the painting...slowly backing away, and you realize all the work the artist went to, to create the piece. Maybe, for you, its not even a painting, but a photograph or a piece of music, that somehow speaks to you.

In a couple days, Japan celebrates what they call "Girls Day." (Momo no Sekku, Hina no Sekku, or Hina Matsuri). Families with young daughters celebrate to ensure their daughters' happiness in later life (and sometimes simply to express a general "yay, we have a daughter and are proud of her" sentiment); part of the festival involves a set of ceremonial dolls which the family will display in the best room in the house for a few days . The festival also used to mark the "official" start of spring.

Do any of us know how truely beautiful we are? Will we ever know how truely beautiful we are? We are works of art. The other day, I was walking down a very popular street in Kyoto, Gion Street, known for Geisha sitings. The streets are lined with traditional tea houses, sushi stores, and romantically lit restraunts. Sure enough, later in the evening, while walking in the rain, I saw a Geisha - a women wearing the white makeup, red lips, hair tightly wrapped with flowers, and the most beautiful kimono. Dispite the rain, she elegantly walked, grasping the end of her kimono and holding her red parisal. I had goosebumps. This is the very first time I had seen this in Japan. In real life. She was literally breathtaking. I did a double take. I could believe that I was actually seeing what all the travel and history books speak about. a geisha. Sigh...

Perhaps this is the kind of beauty that God created each of us with. The double take, goosebump, breathtaking kind. I see this in so many of you. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I am reminded how each of you are of such a gift to me. You are a painting. Today, I will paint you all in my mind.

you are art, to me.

dedicated to: you know who you are.

2007-02-28T11:06:00.000+09:00

technical question.....

for anyone who knows about computers....

since converting to this newer version of blogger, the text that appears on the grey toolbar above the blog title is all in these tiny squares. And thinking that I could solve this problem on my own (as is a theme in my life), I tried downloading javascript and then trying other languages. Now all the script on my blog is in Japanese! I'm playing a guessing game as to what is what, when I'm updating this thing.

Please if anyone knows about special text on computers, please let me know. This blog is one project out here that I really enjoy. I am left to sometimes limited resources as to who I can contact about computer issues. Any advice that anyone has, urge you to comment! Thanks so much.

2007-02-26T20:06:00.000+09:00

being by myself: the part of me i never thought i had.

"i ate alone. no man. no book. no armor. just me"

After just finishing an episode of Sex in the City, I feel pensive. Just me. Just me. I have been realizing actually how comfortable I have become with this over the last few months. I guess I never have been really afraid to do things on my own. To have adventures, to see new things. While it seems that I have met so many people over the last few months, the times that have seemingly been among the most meaningful, are those that have been spent by myself. Its like I have more time to savour. To redefine myself once again.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a loner nor do I intend to become one. I think that I actually do have a healthy balance between time with friends, and time spent on my own. I guess being here has just caused me to reflect on how my time is spent. How am I using this time?

Being in Osaka, one of the biggest cities in the world, it can be incredibly isolating at times. I have learned that being alone or by ones self, is all about how you define it. How you think about it. I am by myself. But, I don't think I'm alone. I now embrace the chances I have to explore. To be free. To roam. To get lost and not feel weird about it. And, to actually look forward to getting lost.

Maybe, this is one of our most profound fears as humans - the fear of getting lost, and being alone. Why are we so afraid of this? Why am I so afraid of this sometimes? In Japan, I'm learning that actually the worst that could happen is that I would cover more territory and wake up on a train somewhere an discover someone is sleeping on my shoulder.

Being by yourself is actually a really cool thing if you think about it. I used to feel so self conscious about this at home in Edmonton. But, here, I want to seize these moments. Why worry about being by yourself? Try it once in a while. Purposefully. You may discover something about yourself that you never knew was there before.

himeji: a castle, a garden, and a tea ceremony

2007-02-20T22:43:00.000+09:00

My day off today took me to Himeji, just west of Osaka. About 1 hr on the JR Train. Little did I know how beautiful this would be. Travelling beside the ocean for a bit, seeing the mountains to my right, my journal in hand, and new music on my mp3. And nothing but blue skies above.

I walked out of the station, and only a few steps to the end of the street where I was greeted by the magnificent Himeji Castle. Also known as "White Egret" - because of the castle's striking white form. Walking the grounds surrounding the castle were breathtaking. The cherry blossoms are just barely peaking through. The castle has 5 stories, donjons, and is surrounded by moats and defensive walls. Walking inside the castle, I got a better sense of samurai culture, as the walls are decorated with various samurai garb and defense tools. Comlimented with the blue sky outside, and the mild weather, my visit to this castle was memorable.

I then walked further down the street and came to Koko-en, a series of 9 Japanese gardens. With the castle as a backdrop. Many ponds with carp swimming, small waterfalls, and more cherry blossoms, this was another highlight of my day. This was lovely. I then had the chance to participate in a tea ceremony, and an actual tea house! I walked in to the house, took of my shoes, and entered onto the tatami mat floors. I was greeted by 2 women in kimonos. I kneeled, and the brought the very green tea, and a small treat. They then kneeled in front of me, and we bowed to each other. Luckily, a women beside me what helping me with the motions. And so was her three year old son. With the garden just behind us, and sliding glass doors to look out on, I had a moment. I have been waiting for something like this. The tea ceremony is really a symbol of hospitality and simplicity, I think. I felt so honoured to be apart of it.

I left and then continued to wander around the base of the castle. Reveling in the fresh air and the beauty of my surroundings. Everything from seeing the first buds of the blossoms to seeing the castle, it was a day off to remember.

Wishing you could have been there.

Posted some pictures, so you can take a look if you like!

the most random of the random

2007-02-20T00:16:00.001+09:00

So the other night, my friend Bill and I went to Juso (a more seedy part of Osaka. as he puts it) to try and find a place to eat. We searched for what seemed like an eternity. A Turkish restraunt. Closed. An indian restraunt. Closed. Passed by an art bar as well...and guess what...closed.

Amidst the old train tracks, the cold weather and the dicey dark street corners (I felt safe with a rather tall Australian by my side), we found this hole in the wall bar/restraunt. Not knowing what we were stepping into, we sheepishly entered. To our surprise, the two owners of this place, welcomed us with no hesitation. They kept insisting to us that they "are knowing english so well" and we kept insisting that our japanese was, well, less than adequate. Made for an interesting time. While the pizzas we ordered were somewhat, well, disappointing (everything seems bigger in the picture on the menu), and Bill and I feel somewhat out of place, all the people in this rather seedy area of Osaka, seemed to have some sort of warmth and welcoming spirit. Could have been the intoxication in the air, or maybe just the man who kept insisting that my name was "Kat" - not sure how he got this one. We laughed, carried on about...well...I'm not exactly sure really.

One owner kept insisting on us trying his special house dressing on our $3.50 sliced tomato, the other watching us intently, always making sure we had everything we needed. We were even offered some umeshu from a nice man and his wife, who helped us with the menu. full of 25% alcohol. The umeshu and the man who offered it to us!

We laughed, continually apologized for our bad Japanese, and headed on our way. As we left, we must have bowed simultaniously with the owners about 20 times. I love Japan for this reason. No one can ever be thankfull enough.

We walked closer to the centre of Juso. A group of about 10 Japanese people, having just come from an isakaya (I realize I spell this different every time I mention it), and I offered (feeling confident after my umeshu. yes. ok. i had some) to take their picture. They then proceeded to take our picture as well.

We continued to walk down the small, brightly lit, winding streets of Juso and we then came to another small bar, which apparently has the most expensive beer in Osaka. They are known for it. One girl at the window told us that they were on t.v. just for this fact. One man then asked if Bill and I were married. We said no. He offered us to come inside. We declined. He insisted. I said, "We need to be going" - in Japanese, and the man held his heart, looked at me, and sighed as we walked away. Oh my.

If this wasn't enough, we then stumbled across some random breakdancers at the train station. Seriously. I was blown away. I have never seen those kind of moves...come to thing of it...I have never seen those hair styles either...Simply amazing. They asked what we thought. In Japanese. I proceed to tell them that I though they were the best in Osaka. "Watashi wa anata ichiban Osaka o mou," - I exclaimed. At least...I hope I did. We laughed. They laughed. Said something else in Japanese. Not sure what it was. We laughed again. And went on our way.

To add sprinkles on this cake...we then stopped to have a bite to eat...the pizza didn't quite cut it...and a man walked in to the sukiya, carrying a man purse. My first sighting of an actual purse. Not just a shoulder bag. But a man purse. The small kind - white, hand held, with animal print.

We walked back from this seedy area...which ended up taking us much longer than expected...returned to Shin Osaka...were I entered my apartment to find a notice for a pipe cleaning. And that, we should be prepare for a man to enter the apartmet on Wednesday, and he will stay for exactly 3 minutes. No more. No less. To do what? I'm not sure exactly. I just know that it will take 3 minutes. And that the company is very "sorry for any inconvienience (I spelt that wrong didn't I...its late.) this may cause." 3 minutes. 3 minutes people. The climax of my random night.

i love japan. Gong!

hello world...

2007-02-12T19:09:00.000+09:00

I am so curious...who is reading this thing? If you happen to pop by...I'm calling this blog episode "ask jane" - if you have a burning question about what things are like here or about Japan in general, feel free to drop a comment if you like. I will try my best to answer. By no means am I an expert. I just know my own experience. If I don't know, I can ask my students.
I know my dad has been getting his coworkers and stuff to read this as well. Thanks dad for putting it out there. Its been fun to get emails from friends and family lately too. I'm just really curious as to who is actually reading this. Its my pleasure to let you all into my world.

Love
jane.

yakitori.

2007-02-09T18:14:00.000+09:00

This is my friend Yuji (on the right) and a few of his co-workers from starbucks. They took me out Tuesday night to this fabulous yakitori restraunt. People are yelling, throwing things and the servers treat you like you are some kind of royalty. There is so much food here its overwhelming. And drink as well. It was a whole lot of fun.

Some facts about Yakitori for you...

Yakitori, lit. grilled bird, is a Japanese type of skeward chicken.
It is made from several bite-sized pieces of chicken meat, skewered on a bamboo skewer and barbecued, usually over charcoal.
Diners ordering yakitori usually have a choice of having it served with simply salt (and sometimes lemon juice) or with tare sauce, which is basically made up of mirin, sweet sake, soy sauce and sugar. The sauce is applied on the skewered meat and is grilled until delicately cooked and is served with the tare sauce as a dip.
Yakitori is a very popular dish in Japan. Many working people grab a yakitori and a beer from yakitori stalls on the way home from work. Yakitori is also a common, cheap accompaniment to beer in izakayas.
Strictly speaking, the term "yakitori" refers to those consisting only of various chicken parts and vegetables. Similarly skewered grilled food made with other ingredients such as beef, pork, fish or seafood is usually available at yakitori establishments and are known as kushiyaki, lit. skewer grill, in Japan. However, outside of Japan, and even in some areas of Japan (in particular Kyushu, Higashimatsuyama city and parts of Hokkaidō) these would also be referred to as yakitori.

Common yakitori dishes include...
shou niku (lit. "proper meat"), chicken thigh pieces - "standard yakitori", usually with skin
sasami skinless chicken breast pieces
negima alternating pieces of chicken thigh and scallion
nankotsu chicken cartilage
hatsu chicken heart
rebā liver
sunagimo chicken gizzard
tsukune chicken meatballs
torikawa chicken skin, grilled until crispy
tebasaki chicken wing
ikada Japanese scallion, with two skewers to prevent rotation

The food at these places is truly overwhelming. Its fantastic! Feel free to check out some pics and videos from the restraunt. And yes, I do mention Yuji's name more than once. Love the guy! Wish you all could meet him!

2007-02-06T17:20:00.000+09:00

Stop This Train - the song. By John Mayer

in reference to my previous post. love this song. i hope you will too.

can the train really be stopped?

2007-02-05T23:33:00.000+09:00

Currently listening to: "Stop this train" by John Mayer *a must listen!
Current location: my futon, yet again.
Current obession: sushi, my new found love for yoga and jasmine tea.
Currently wearing: "osaka" t-shirt courtesy of brooke and jer.

Over the past few months, I have spent many a long, happy hour on my futon, journalling, updating this thing that you are reading now, and trying to make sense of this whole experience that I am having over here. And have I come to any conclusions? Well, if life is a series of emotional rollercoasters, train rides, vending machines, mishaps, coincidences, language barriers, surprises, gifts, surprising gifts, moments, joy, sorrow, being scared, having certainty, havinguncertainty - than I guess this is it. As said by John Mayer "sometimes I can't take the speed its moving in" - and yet, I can't imagine it all without the speed and the motion its all moving in.

I think I am somehow coming closer to myself. Somehow learning to hear myself better. Somehow learning the truth about myself. The untained truth. Going into my own wilderness. Having to call upon my own voice more frequently. But, most importantly, having to call upon God's name even more frequently.

I love living in this kind of anticipation. I never thought life could be full of this kind of expectancy. What ever is in front of me, I'm learning to embrace it. To run towards it. To fear it. By fearing it, I mean to know its power. Whatever the "it" is. Whether its God, a moment or a lesson that I need to learn.

Just pondering over these thoughts today. I imagine you here, sitting next to me, sipping a latte, and helping me sort all this out.

"oh Canada...(i'm making an effort to) stand on guard for thee"

2007-02-02T20:35:00.000+09:00

Not sure if news travels this quickly, but it has been splashed all over the tv here and in the newspaper the last 2 days. A number of english teachers, working for the company I am employed with, have been busted with possession of drugs a couple days ago. There are seven teachers who have been accused, and sad to say, one is apparently Canadian. This saddens me. Since Nova is a huge corporation, with offices all over Japan, this event has been widely televized. And the air has been noticeably more thick around our small branch at Kita Senri. I know that I don't have anything to feel guilty about...but I do. It is so easy to build community among english teachers here, and when something like this happens, you can't help but feel bad or somehow guilty. Somehow ashamed as well that one of these gajin was from Canada.

While being over here for the last 5.2 months, I have felt so proud of my country. Wanting to try my best to represent it well - attempting to smile at strangers, offer help where I think is needed, making and effort to let people go ahead of me. As if all of these actions are somehow a reflection of my country. (Ok, I'm not an extra good person and I'm not trying to built myself up- seriously- I just feel all the more conscious of my identity as a Canadian here, than I have felt at any other time in my life. Still not sure why I needed to let those 3 people go ahead of me in the train today...hmm, just thought of that.)

Ok...I don't want to boast about how great my country is. But..how can I describe it? Hmmm. The way I feel about Canada is like a little kid who has just excitedly finished a crayon drawing at school and brings it home to their mom, who then hangs it on the fridge. In a way that warms my heart. I get these similar feelings when I think of my home. I'm happy to talk about my country - its traditions, stereotypes and sometimes idiosyncratic tendencies. And in turn, I'm happy to listen to my students speak about Japan in the same way.
But...after this incident recently with the drug bust amongst the foreigner community here...I feel sad, in a way that somehow sobers my feelings of my country. It like so much of what foreigners do here, seems to be an immediate reflection of the place they are from. I am sad for this. Makes me think about foreigners living in Canada as well and what their experiences must be like. If something goes wrong, how quick we are, to judge a persons place of origin immediately.

Still...Canada...I will choose to stand on guard for thee.

With a heavy heart.

2007-01-31T23:07:00.000+09:00

another day off in Kyoto. saw this today. had a moment.

soak in a moment.

2007-01-31T00:48:00.000+09:00

I have come to the conclusion that I love change. I love being in flux. Change is the life inside me. When I get in a rut, I will rearrange furniture, change my hair colour (or even cut my own hair, like a did a while back), renovate the blog, take the long way home from work on day, or attempt to sit at the piano and work on writing.

While being here has made me realize that change is a craving of mine, attempting to live in the very present of every moment is a more difficult task. I think this is actually quite a profound thing. Maybe its not even a task at all, but an act of letting go to the quest for change. Simply being. Simply dwelling in the moment.

So often, when I have my days off here, and I find myself on the footsteps of a temple or shrine, my first thought is often, "I must take a picture. " I don't stop to soak it in, to breathe it in. Aftwards, I think, why didn't I just take a moment...for the moment. Do you know what I mean? Simply soak in the present. Did you ever stop to think that the word "present" is not just in the moment, but it is also a gift as well. You recieve it. Sometimes we often don't realize the very nature of it until its gone or the moment has passed.

I often get so ahead of myself here. Thinking about my future, about relationships, about things I want to do or avoid, experiences I want to have or goals I want to accomplish.

Before I left for Japan, I was speaking in the "I hope...I want..." type of language, and when I arrrived I thought this would cease, and I would be able to live in every moment. While there have been many moments of suspended time here for me, I still try to look too far ahead. So far ahead, that it gets foggy and I can't see. I try to answer the questions that I don't have the power or wisdom to answer. I think God gives us time for a reason. To recieve each moment as a gift. A present, if you will.

Take a moment today, whatever your doing. Recieve it. Draw near to it. Listen to it. Taste it. Hey, smell it if you want.

quiet please: this is a library. no laughing allowed. note: you must watch this with a friend.

2007-01-28T21:20:00.000+09:00

trust me - go to the bathroom before watching this!! this is a clip from a popular tv show in Japan. you might think i'm weird or crazy for posting this. but, I wanted to show you the first class quality of the t.v here. And I stress the word "quality" you will soon catch on to the point of this. Or the lack thereof. Also note: the bad english in this clip.
Who knew you could have so much fun in a library!?!! Watch the whole thing, and tell me your thoughts.
PS - I had too much time on my hands tonight.
I love to make you all laugh. Don't hold this against me. I'm sorry for any pain this may inflict.

a treasured moment to be sure...

2007-01-24T00:52:00.000+09:00

This was taken a Fushimi-Inari Shrine today. (you can click on the pictures link to see more from today if you like!) Lined with these beautiful and unique red posts along the path up the mountain, my senses were overwhelmed with colour. This shrine is in the south eastern outskirts of Kyoto. I met the cutest school girls here today. They were all so excited to practice their english with me and shake my hand. Some of them even followed me, just so they could say hello and goodbye in English, just one more time!

Today, I really felt like I went on a trip. Far out of Osaka. To where the air felt different. The sounds of the city diminished. A nice long , fast train ride to the shrine. It was one of those days where I could go where I could walk where I wanted, sit when I wanted, write when I wanted and just spend time enjoying nature and the beauty of asian culture and arcitecture.

This prefecture outside Kyoto felt very residential and old style Japanese. Children playing in the street. Small coffee shops. A small, old train station.

I also complemented the day with another onsen in the evening. This time, in Kurama...even further outside the city. A very old, rustic outdoor onsen. A shuttle from the train station takes you here, where you can soak under the stars. When I arrived, there were many Japanese women chatting. But, then there seemed to be no one, to my surprise. I had the onsen all to myself. Lets just say, it was truely wonderful. Being in a dark, secluded, rustic, outdoor bath, under the stars. A perfect end my day off.

2007-01-23T09:52:00.000+09:00

this is disturbingly funny.

"when we're together...everything just feels so transparent..."

2007-01-21T23:44:00.000+09:00

So, as I sit and contemplate the happenings of the day, I can't help but feel satisfied. I, Jane, successfully (and modestly) played Ms. Matchmaker between 2 of my students.

Mr.T, we will call him, comes to our Kita Senri branch fairly often. He is about to complete his PhD in chemistry, enjoys travel and is familiar face around our branch. I often see him in Starbucks and we frequently strike up a conversation. Whenever one of the teachers has a class with him, it doesn't really fee like teaching at all, he is just a pleasure to talk to. He is so articulate and I often find myself learning from him in classes.
Now...Ms. K, we will call her, is an arcitecture student and Osaka University. I frequently have her in one of my classes and she is just lovely. She is one of those people where you feel like you have known her in another life or something.
Both Mr. T and Ms. K happened to meet for the first time today in one class they had with me. The topic we were discussing was t.v commercials and the media. Both high level students, conversation seemed to be flowing. This was the first time they had been in a class together. Excitement seemed to be lingering in the air. I noticed they kept making eye contact throughout the lesson and seemed to really be hitting it off. Mr. T seemed to be very coy as well. Wanting to play it cool. Good man. Both being in their twenties, I put two and two together, and figured that they needed to date. For goodness sake - some one needed to do something. I felt bad for the housewife that was sitting between them, I think she felt a little awkward, as Mr. T and Ms. K seemed to be carrying on about this and that.

After the lesson, I pulled Mr.T aside, and said that Ms. K seemed like a nice girl and commented that I couldnt believe that they hadn't met before. I said that he needed to ask her for coffee at Starbucks after class and they could have "english conversation" together (I love how this is basically code for "lets date" in Japan).
He asked, "do you think she would be interested?I have been searching for a girlfriend recently," he said. I told him a little more about her and how I both knew they share a love of travel, and english! It would be perfect. He seemed to be very appreciative, but so shy about the whole thing. "Thanks for the advice," he said.

They both had another class together after this, but my shift was over, so I'm not sure if he took the plunge and asked her out, but I will keep you posted. This was seriously a moment to be treasured for sure. I had to share it with you. I seriously find some students here absolute diamonds! This is why I love my job!

I sometime wonder why our textbook doesn't have a lesson on how to ask people out on a date. Could have been useful today. Hmm...

English: its brings people together.

I am a sap.

An engrish resson on sea urchin!?

2007-01-20T19:07:00.000+09:00

Funny moment today...

I was doing a lesson on interesting experiences. Helping students to ask questions like, have you ever climbed a mountain? have you ever tried alligator? Have you ever eaten frog? You know, the regular everyday stuff.

Well, apparently my english seems to have gotten worse over the last few months because in the textbook there was the question "Have you ever eaten SEA URCHIN?" - And...I got all these puzzled looks from the 4 students in my class. Do you think, for the life of me, that I could describe what a sea urchin was? I tried pictures, I tried my mime artistry, and yet no english seemed to come out of me!? The students and I were killing ourselves laughing. They had no english, and I had no english. It was by far, a humbling moment. This is the first time I have really felt like I have been stumped as a teacher. Sea urchin? What the heck is it? Do you eat it? Have you ever tried it? I hardly know what it is, none the less trying to explain it so someone in an english as a second language class.

Today: Gong show - give me a chance and I could probably explain this any day!

two firsts.

2007-01-17T00:23:00.000+09:00

Tonight were two firsts for me: travelling in an actual Japanese car and going to an onsen (asian spa). Two both scary and exciting events.

Scary? Why? you ask.
Reason #1. I was with my Japanese friend Kana, who is crazy, I'm convinced. She wips around in this small little car, through crowded traffic and small winding streets, and sometimes the wrong way down a one way. Driving in Osaka, is...well...mind boggling. It takes both guts and a certain amount of skill to drive here. 10% skill. 90% guts!

Reason #2. Once at the onsen, you are surrounded by, well, nudity (chuckling to myself now). But, you know, it actually does not have to be a scary thing, I'm learning. I guess its kind of everyones fear, isn't it? Being naked in public. For the Japanese, its a perfectly normal, communal activity. In a totally natural and healthy way, I mean. Besides - bodies - we all have them. And, we need to love them and take care of them. Something I think I'm learning to pay attention to more this year. This feels a litte funny to be writing about this. hmm...

We entered the building in Takatsuki city, took off our shoes and found our feet confronted with a bamboo floor. We paid the 800 yen fee, and walked to the change room, dis-robed (or whatever you call it), and proceeded to the pools. Its separated for men and women. It did feel a little strange at first...a little awkward. But, to my surprise, that all goes away once you sit in the hot, silky water. Kana made me feel so comfortable, showing me what to do and where to go. We soaked in a series of luxurious baths, some outside surrounded by rocks and trees. You actually feel quite secluded here. Like you are bathing in the side of a mountain or something.

I guess in the Okinowa area, its one of the most popular spots for onsens. She was telling me that the theory is many people live into their 80's and 90's here because of the healing properties of the water. I can see how this is probably true.

So, after our skin felt silky smooth, and baby soft (sorry, am I making you jealous yet?. my bad.), we headed back to Shin-Osaka. It was so good to be in a real car again. It made me miss my little Hyundai in Edmonton. Still, I think I will stick to the safety of the subway.

You can check out a few pics and a couple videos from tonight if you like. Sorry...only pictures of people fully clothed! (am laughing now!) Ok, someone change the subject...its too quiet in here.

www.dropshots.com/erickson_jane

"in a world turned upside-down, can the truth be turned around?"

2007-01-12T16:31:00.000+09:00

Currently listening to: Third Day, "King of Glory"
Current obsession: cold coffee drinks.
Current location: my futon, under a blanket.

This one is for the person I was just talking to on the phone. You know who you are.
-----

Difference. What is it? What does it look like? What does it sound like? Can you touch it? Can you see it? Can you hear it? Does it smell? Does it feel? Does it live in a box? Does it wear shoes?

This year I have come to identify myself as a foreigner. There are over 1.69 million of us living here in Japan. Its a term of difference. This is the first thing people see when I walk down the street. I am different. Sometimes, its the only thing they see or its the only thing they want to see.

Everyday, I am confronted with my difference. At the grocery store, at work, at the bank, at the train station, or on the phone trying to order pizza. Sometimes, ahem...all the time, I get stared at (do I have something on my face?). Sometimes people take one look at me,and either laugh, smile friendly, start up a conversation, or whisper to their neighbor, stare, look away, or even make a point of sitting on the other side of the train. Have you experienced this too? Oh good, I'm not the only one.

Today I saw a cross dresser coming out of the train station at Minamikata. Heels, a wig and a dress. He was different and I found myself wanting to look, I was curious. I noticed turning heads, avoidance and some stares. The other day, I saw...

a man with a massive skin growth on his face...

I also saw a woman with a limp...

Two men holding hands...

Two women holding hands...

A young girl on the train wearing a short skirt, a tight shirt, leather boots and applying sparkles to her already decorated face...

And a lady sleeping in the subway, with nothing more than a cardboard box to lay on...

A homeless man trying to sell a newspaper

an old woman with purple hair...

another foreigner like myself.
I could go on.

Did any of these make you uncomfortable? Many of these are different from the regular experiences each of us has day to day. How can an old lady with purple hair be put in the same category as someone who wears a tight top and leather boots or who dresses as the opposite sex? Or someone who comes from a different country? Although there are various polarities of difference, it is still difference. No matter how you ice the cake. I feel like somehow I just want to understand it more.

Sometimes its uncomfortable. Sometimes beautiful. Sometimes its scary. Sometimes I want to run away from it. Other times, I want to run and hug it. Or maybe just talk to it, difference that is. Or maybe its not difference at all, maybe its just a person...like myself.

Difference. Maybe its all the same. "Red, yellow, black and white...they are precious..." And, more colourful.

every now and again...

2007-01-10T18:39:00.000+09:00

today was...well...a restful day.

woke up late
had miso soup and rice for lunch
coffee with a friend
strolled around shin-osaka in the afternoon
mailed some very late christmas/new years cards
rode my bike to rent a couple movies
had a nap
watched a movie
ate sushi, while wathcing the movie.
chatted with dad... making plans for their upcoming family visit the end of May.
had a nap ...again (love my days off for this very reason)
now, I'm off the the gym.

not much, but i love days like these every now and again.
just thought i should share these days with you as well. the average ones, i mean.

air guitar competition: with takeshi the samuri, of japan

2007-01-09T01:04:00.000+09:00

Takeshi, born and raised in Japan, is a master of the air-guitar arts. watch, and be amazed. Be very amazed...or disturbed. I'm still not sure yet. My vote is still out.

japanese commercial

2007-01-09T00:34:00.000+09:00

These are a series of fanta commercials I found. Totally random...and totally funny. You will laugh...hard. Just prooves that when I think I know this country...I actually have no clue at all!!

under the shade of the bamboo grove

2007-01-03T20:58:00.000+09:00

Arashiyama is the picture of perfection. This is where another day trip took me to today. Old Japanese streets, people boating in the Togetsuko river, many women walking in traditional colourful kimono's, the smell of incense in the air. This prefecture kisses the feet of mount Orurayama. Bamboo and bonsai trees are all around.

Today, I walked the streets of this beautiful prefecture, just outside Kyoto. I wandered along the riverside, gazed at the mountains, and people boating, seemed to be something out of a storybook. Many small restraunts and beautiful lanterns line the street here, along with with many people as well. It is easy to loose yourself here, to the sound of traditional Japanese music seemingly coming from the mountains. Passing by Tenryuji temple, people are praying and the smell of a fire looms in the air.

I walked through a dense bamboo forrest, hearing the sound of the branches as I make my way around a corner, and come to an open area with a rice field, and just around the corner from this, and up a hill, is Jojkukouji shrine. I climb the never ending staircase up to the temple, turn around and see a commanding view over Kyoto. The porch of the temple is a good place to enjoy the moss garden here. Another steep path leads towards a beautiful pagoda. I spent time revelling in what seemed to be a dream, complimented by a rather foggy sky. I couldn't help but think, I was made for this moment.

I make my way down the hill, and back into the centre of the town. Many coffee shops, traditional Japense stores selling umbrellas and green tea ice cream. More women in kimono's. I stop to have a latte and look out the window to see couples walking hand in hand.

I make my way home on the Hankyu line. It is now night time, the moon is out, and tea houses light up the bank of the river. Today, I fell in love... with Arashiyama.

osechi and the BIG buddha!

2007-01-01T21:40:00.000+09:00

Happy New Year! 2007! Its here. Perhaps its time to kick of your shoes and celebrate!

This is from my recent trip to Nara on New Years Eve (you can check for newly posted pics, if you like). I have been loving Japanese shoes lately. If only I had the feet to fit into them.

You will notice I have made a few changes recently. I put a few more links for you to devour, including things that I have enjoyed over the last few months. Hopefully giving you a taste of what things are like over here for me.

The other day, I was remembering something from this time, last year. I silently remember making a new years resolution to myself...to experience another culture. I think this may be one resolution that actually stuck. Cause, here I am. I recall something inside me saying, "You will be called into your wilderness this year." The land unfamiliar. A place that is both scary and exciting. Charting new territory. New years resolutions can be like that sometime. For anyone out there in the midst of making a resolution and then having the courage to actually do it, I admire you.

The last four months, there have been times where I have been scared s***less, there have been times where I have been speechless. Times when I have laughed into the depths of my soul, and cried equally as hard. Times when I have chuckled quietly to myself, times when I have seen such beauty and have not had the words that come close to describing it. Equally so, times where I have seen the hurt that exists among the people here as well. All of it - overwhelming.

One thing that seems to have made a deep impression on me over the last few months is how important symbols are to the Japanese. An example, a few of my students gave me a lesson on the traditional dish that is eaten on new years day - osechi (simliar to a lunch box, filled with Japanese cuisine). Each dish in osechi means something different. Its like a hope or a prayer for the new year:

Herring roe - hope for children; Gomame (type of small fish) - diligent work; Kromame (a hard bean) - wealth; Komaboko (steamed fish paste) - this is a red and white colour, ironically the colours in the Japanese flag - symbollizing luck. Shrimp (Japanese characters for "shrimp" are actually "old sea" - so it means to have long life. Interestingly, the shrimp has a curved shape, as you know. One student reminded me that it looks like an old man! Finally, fuki (the steam of a plant) is used. It is hollow and long, so you can see through to the end. The students tell me this means being able to see far into the distance or the ability to have hope.

It kinda makes you think about the next time you go to eat shrimp, doesn't it? You may be asking for longer life...or a curved spine.

New Years Eve is a very special time here. While travelling to a nearby town, Nara, my friend Sarah and I noticed how many people were at the temples to pray and burn insence. I was struck by the powerful image of the BIG Buddha at Todai-ji Temple (biggest one in Japan!). It was almost frightening. The large gold and bronze statue, adorned with flowers and candles.

Many people come to Nara to pray to Buddha for passing exams, long life, seeking direction, finding a partner etc. It got me to thinking about idols and what I look to for direction in life. Where do I go searching for it? How is it disguised sometimes? I guess its the whole thing about having faith, without sight, as Jesus puts it. While being confronted with this huge, golden statue, I suddenly found myself needing to cling to Christ. And not needing him to appear before me so that I could have evidence of His power, but simply just wanting to hear His voice. I can appreciate the history and the cultural importance of Buddha, I just want to hopefully love Christ all the more with giving Him my life.

Knowing that His power lies in the still small voice of the trees, in the beauty of colour, the bliss of little children playing, the sound of a kind voice, in the complexity of language and in the joy of experiencing something for the first time. So, this new year, I hope that we can all experience what it is to have belief. A faith without sight.

Thank you everyone for sticking by me in this. I love hearing from you.

May you see new things this year.

Jane

PS - Bri, I dedicate this one to you.
PPS - if you made it to the end of this edition...i commend you.

a christmas hello from japan...

2006-12-26T02:50:00.000+09:00

May you have the most wonderful Christmas time!! Please know that your support and love over these last few months have meant more to me than you know. The cards, the letters, the emails...I appreciate it. I miss you today. I pray that you and your families have a joy-filled day. I am thinking of you. I will sing a Christmas kareoke song in your honor over here in Osaka!

Missing you all. Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

illuminated by kobe

2006-12-21T11:00:00.000+09:00

The other night, my roomate Hanna, her boyfriend Nobu and I travelled to Kobe to see the annual Illumination. The pictures do not do it justice at all (hint: if you click on the pictures - you can see them bigger. It gives you a better sense of what it was like). It was illuminating.
The city of Kobe started have the illumination about 10 years ago, my students having been telling me. After the huge Hanshin earthquake in 1995, which left the people of Kobe shaken and with little hope, the city decided to host this festival in order to encourage them and to restore their hope. What a lovely idea. Perhaps more festivals aught to have this type of significance.
You walk through various archways (actually reminds me of some sort of Arabian design) illuminated with light. Christmas choral music plays as you walk down the road.
Once you reach the end of the road, and comb your way through the crowds, you come to this enclosed space which makes you feel like you are in a castle made entirely of lights. Many young families and children dressed in their little red coats and holding balloons. Christmas seemed to come alive at this moment for me. There is some about light at Christmas that cheers you and comforts you in a way that is hard to describe. As I was strongly missing home that night, I was reminded of that verse where Jesus speaks of "I am the light of the world." You can't help but want to gaze and gaze. Perhaps when the shepards saw the star, they felt illuminated as well.

Enjoy the pictures! They do not come close to actually experience, but it gives you an idea anyways.

I forogt to mention as well - I saw a real live samurai that night too!! The real thing. He was just walking down the street (as if its no big deal!). Nobu pointed him out to us - wearing a rather long black coat with a white material over his chest and some Japanese writing on it. I will try to find a picture somewhere for you. No sword though.

Missing you all. Christmas feels different this year without you around.

staying past closing time...

2006-12-15T17:46:00.000+09:00

The other night, my friend Bill and I were having coffee at Papillon (the coffee shop down the street from our apartment in Shin-Osaka). It is so old - crieking floors, soft lighting and old furniture. Kimiko and Ryoji are the sweetest couple that own this place, they are so welcoming to foreigners and within a matter of just a few weeks of knowing them, I can call them friends.
Anyway, Bill and I noticed that the keyboard was sitting in the corner (my heart started to pound), as well as this huge upright bass (from the friday night music gigs they have at Papillon). I was telling Bill how much my fingers have been itching to play lately.We asked Kimiko if we could play - and we did, for at least a couple hours. In this quite cafe, with no one around. It was so refreshing. We played a little jazz and some Christmas tunes. We stayed way past closing time, Kimiko kept encouraging us to keep going. It was a blast. I didn't realize how much I actually missed the keys until I started playing them again. I sort of convinced myself for a while, that I would be ok without a piano - man was I wrong! It is my outlet. Without it, I feel like I'm missing somethig.
Get this - Kimiko stopped me on my bike coming home from work today, and she offered to lend me the keyboard in her aparment, until whenever I decide to leave Japan. I'm currently sitting in my room, staring at this gorgeous instrument. The generosity of the Japanese people here, astounds me. Maybe a new song is closer than I thought.

85% of Japanese have never tasted turkey.

2006-12-11T23:27:00.000+09:00

A travesty, to be sure.

I found some interesting things about Japan which you might not have known!

Ok, I can't take credit for this whole list, but I found some of these points to be rather amusing. I've added my own comments for kicks. It gives you a better sense, hopefully of this things I experience or see on a daily basis. Somedays, I can't even believe it myself.

A can of Coca-Cola costs more than one dollar US from a vending machine.
Japanese people, in general, can't drive very well. (no kidding! Interesting fact, however - my roomate Hanna's boyfriend Nobu went to driving boot camp a couple weeks ago. They literally get shipped off to Hokkaido to learn how to drive in a period of 2 weeks. Hanna said that Nob didn't sleep the whole time he was there! Emersion by fire. Thats the Japanese way.)
Restaurants in Japan (including many fast-food places) give you moist towels or wipes before or with your meal.
At many businesses in Japan, they offer alcohol to the employees after six pm. (I've heard that some bosses here even require or demand their employees to go to an isakai - Japanese bar- after work. They cannot refuse. Hmm. If only all bosses demanded this of their employees. What a world. What a world)
On Respect for the Aged Day, tobacco companies will hand out free cigarettes to the elderly outside of train stations and department stores. ("Hey, would you like some lung cancer with those wrinkles, sir?)
The Japanese love corn, sesame seeds, and mayonnaise on their pizza. (even if you request no mayo - it somehow manages to sneak its way into your food somehow! the japanese obsession with mayo - I will never understand it.)
There are no 24 hour ATMs in Japan (closed on holidays and many only open during normal bank hours).
The green traffic light is called "blue". (whatever.)
Slurp your soup. (you really must try it. I can't eat soup any other way now. Well, most of it somehow lands on my clothes most of the time.)
Newspaper editors make their headlines so as to not attract attention. (if only I could say the same thing about the fashion here.)
KFC is the place to be on Christmas Day.
Japan has about 1,500 earthquakes each year.
In the Japanese language, it is considered rude to say the word "no" directly.
It is nearly impossible to become a naturalized citizen of Japan.
You can smoke just about anywhere. (you can also drink just about anywhere too. Umm. Not that I would know...ummm...ok...next point...
Japanese people take a hot bath every night, some do not have showers installed in their bathrooms.
There is no insulation in Japanese homes' walls. (your tellling me!!! its cold in here!)
Japan has roughly 200 volcanoes.
It is considered rude to show signs of affection toward a loved one in public. (speaking of which. i could use a good squeeze right now. wheres my dad when I need him!)
When you go to a funeral or a wedding you must take a gift of money.
Three words: "heated toilet seats". (I adore these!!! They are the key to a happy life here.)
In Japan, flower arranging is an art. (so is trying to squat over a Japanese toilet!)
The new generation of Japanese people are not as short as Westerners think. (true - THEY ARE EVEN SHORTER!!)
You can buy batteries, beer, wine, condoms, cigarettes, comic books, hot dogs, light bulbs, and used women's underwear from vending machines. (its basically the land of convienience.)
Many Japanese people eat rice with or for their breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Never stick your chopsticks upright in your rice. This is an old Japanese custom and is what is done when food is offered to the dead. When it is not an offering it is considered to be a very ill omen.
In Japan you will find cars by the names of "It's", "Let's", "Sunny", "Perky", "Gloria", "Move", "Toppo", "Lepo" and "Dump". (these sound like good pet names. if only I had one to name.)
McDonalds employees will run outside to give you your drive-thru order. (it seems everywhere you go here - customer service people are always in a hurry to help you. Always running or rushing or apoligizing for the wait. Japanese defanition of a long wait: 2 minutes. They take their jobs so seriously here.)
The Japanese visit shrines and give eachother money for New Year's.
It is impolite to tear the wrapping paper off of a gift.
Japanese junior high school students do not need to pass any of their classes to graduate. Education only through junior high school is compulsory.
Young women will hand you toilet paper outside of train stations. (there is literally a job for anyone in this country.)
There is almost no vandalism in Japan.
Gas station attendants will bow as the car pulls out of the station. (The gas station outside my apartment does this regularly in the mornings.!)
It is socially acceptable to pick your nose in public and urinate at the side of the road, but you cannot blow your nose in public. (Seriously. Most mornings I'm able to catch at least, no joke, 3 people digging for gold!)
Approximately 85% of Japanese people have never tasted turkey. (I want to cry. It is the essence of life!)
Japan is about the size of California and has half the population of the entire United States.
Snowmen in Japan are made of two large snowballs instead of three. (ummm. ok. I will remember that if I ever try to make one here.
It will always take one to two hours for a pizza to be delivered.
There is at least one vending machine on every corner. (for every vending machine, there is also a Starbucks as well, I'm convinced.)

christmas package!

2006-12-08T18:38:00.000+09:00

Today I had 3 mail packages arrive at the apartment! (Mom, Dad and Julie - I can't wait to see whats inside!) It was this cute little old man in a delivery suit who came to my door. I can't believe how prompt everyone is here. I told the company I was going to be in the apartment between 5-7pm and sure enough the packages arrived at 4:56! I was so excited that they had arrived. I told the delivery man that they were from Canada. His eyes seemed to light up, "OHHHHHH . Canada. Very cold." (I've noticed that's what the general consensus seems to be around these parts - Canada is cold - all the time. It only has snow and everyone lives in an igloo. It gets me to think about the stereotypes I have of Japan sometimes. ) I kept saying, "Arigato.Arigato." Both of us got caught up in simultaneously bowing. As he crept away from my door, he kept bowing...I kept bowing...he kept bowing...you get the picture!. Man, what a wonderful way to get a Christmas package in the mail. It made me chuckle to myself.

Now, if I only I could open these packages. I will be tempted to do so over the next couple weeks before Christmas. I hate waiting!

i am a dreamer, take me higher

2006-12-07T02:47:00.000+09:00

Last night my friend Sarah and I saw Frankie, a guy we work with, D.J at a club in Shinsaibashi in Osaka. It was so refreshing to see an artist again. Perfecting their craft. I am seriously messmorized by watching someone spin. There is some mysterious quality that exists in D.J.s. I wish I possesed that quality. Only to be imagined, I guess.

Lately, as I get up in the mornings and get ready to go to work, this artist I have recently discovered, has been playing in my ear. Bethany Dillon is her name. I sometimes imagine myself sitting in a coffee shop watching her play.
Part of one of her songs is:

Love woke me up this morning
With a memory
Love came and whispered a story
That awakened a dream

Imagine a beautiful castle
And a beautiful king
He left the comfort of his throne
To fight for victory

I am a dreamer
Take me higher
Open the sky up
Start a fire...

I managed to find her on youtube.com I attached a video of her that almost had me in tears listening to the words and being reminded of the goosebump quality of live music. When an artist is simply present with nothing but their instrument. I have a major itching to play my keys again. This song especially has really given me something to chew on lately. Hope you like her.
Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVTRJXvAr9I
ps - I think everyone aught to have a theme song. A song that is just for them. A song that somehow always seems to articulte your thoughts, no matter what season you are in. A song that is always there for you. Whats yours?

where are you christmas?

2006-12-04T17:27:00.000+09:00

December. 3 month anniversary. It seems like Christmas is just around the corner. I'm still not sure what my plans are for the holidays. I think its going to be a little strange being away from friends and family over Christmas. So much of what I associate with the holiday is centred around these things. Not to mention going to the Christmas eve service at my parents church. Lighting candles. Singing. And eating way too much food. Mom's sweddish meatballs.

Most of the other teachers and I will be working Christmas Day, but then after that I have a 9 day break. I'm pondering a few ideas - a friend invited me to go to Hokkaido where there is some beautiful skiing and onsens. Or there is the option of Nagano as well for skiing. While both are expensive but fantastic, part of me wants to take my backpack again and just travel around the mainland of Japan more. Not having any sort of plan, but just taking my map and seeing where the days will take me. I know I want to do some skiing up here and more sightseeing. It could be the perfect chance to catch some good sights with the snow and everything. I don't think this itch I have to see this country will ever be satisfied. I just want to see it all.

Its so different here. CHristmas is not really celebrated here. Its really only about decorations in the department stores and seeing the occasional Santa Claus in the train station. THinking about this seems to give me an empty feeling inside. Maybe God is challenging me to see Christmas in a new way this year. Perhaps to have it re-defined. In a way that might actually put him at the very centre of his whole adventure I'm on. What will Christmas be like this year? I don't know.
Maybe I have to see Christmas as an adventure as well.

I heard this song today, and thought of you all:

"I can hear you laugh when I close my eyes.
I can picture your face and the strength inside your smile"

Thanks for your keeping in touch everyone.

finally - pictures of Kyoto for you!

2006-11-29T01:26:00.000+09:00

This first picture is just a snapshot of what Kyoto is like. A storybook.
The second is from the top of Daimonji-yama. A mountain in Kyoto. I sat here for a
long time today, enjoying the colours and the view of both Kyoto and
seeing the skyscrapers of Osaka in the distance.

Close to Ginkakuji area. Many tourists during the changing of the leaves season.
So many traditional shops and women in kimonos are know to be seen wandering
the streets here. You can literally walk for 5 minutes and you come to temple
after temple after temple. There are also many school children with their little yellow hats on school field trips.

The antique kimono shop I came across. This place was enchanting. Ladies drinking tea and looking at fabrics. The inside was covered ceiling to floor with old picutres. Such a diamond this place was.

Many of these traditional umbrellas line the street around Ginkakuji. So beautiful. I was
tempted to buy one. The colours are exquisite.

leaves in my pockets.

2006-11-28T22:17:00.000+09:00

Kyoto is magical. My day off took me to this city, once again. Walking around the city during the late fall season feel like you have stepped into a storybook. I thought the first time I went was pretty amazing. Yeah. I really had no idea. Late November, the streets and gardens are covered with blankets and blankets of bright red and yellow leaves. And they continue to fall all around you. Although Kyoto is such a large city, when you walk through the streets it feels like you are back in the old days of Japan - small rivers, shrines at every turn, and lovely Japanese coffee shops. I managed to stumble upon an antique kimono shop at one corner. I ducked to enter the door, and inside was covered wall to wall with old pictures and various Japanese fabrics. Two women wearing kimonos sat in the corner drinking tea.

After dodging all the tourists at Ginkakuji Temple (a Silver Pavillion), I spent most of the afternoon hiking in the Daimonji-yama area, just outside the temple. It was good to stretch my legs again. The leaves were there to greet my feet as I slowly made my way to the top of this mountain. The 1.5 hr hike takes you to the most commanding view of the whole city of Kyoto. And in the distance I managed to see the skyscrapers of Osaka.
5 older Japanese men at the top seemed so interested in where I was from. "America?," they asked. "No. Canada actually." They exclaimed, "AAAHHHH. Canada." They cheered and clapped. (I love how even the littlest of things get the Japanese so excited. I love it.) I told them, in Japanese (yes, I'm learning) that I was a teacher. Again, they cheered and clapped. One guy made a skiing motion with his body. "Canada. Ski," he said. I, then, cheered and clapped. We all laughed. I love chatting with strangers. Well...attempting to chat to strangers anyways. Mostly, my mime artistry does the talking! Slowly, I am trying to pick up more and more phrases.
Looking out, I could see rolling hills, colour- coated with greens, reds and golden yellows. Like no colours I had ever seen before. Breathtaking. I sat, worshipped for a bit and then made my way down the steep path. I tried to collect as many leaves and possible, I hope to decorate my new journal with them somehow.

Taking the opposite way down, I managed to come to a more residential part of the city. I walked and walked and walked. Stopped to have a latte and a piece of cake. I took time to just stroll through the old streets, looking in windows and gazing at the beautiful colours of the trees all around. These colours, coupled with the already existing reds of the doorways to temples and shrines makes for something to behold. Looking down and the ground, seeing the already fallen leaves and the cobble stoned streets, I couldn't help but think...is this real? Am I really seeing all this? I though about the song that I had listend to earlier in the day, "Mountain of God" by Third Day (a friend introduced it to me a number of months ago. you know who you are!). One line, "You are here with me" seemed to resonate in the air. Teary eyed, I made my way back to Kyoto station. Back home to the busy city.

MSG and life span expectancy

2006-11-26T23:30:00.000+09:00

Hanna, my aussie roomate, recently bought MSG in a bottle at the grocery store. The forbidden ingredient in Chinese food you always hear about! No kidding. You can literally sprinkle it on fish or meat, like salt. If its so bad for you, why do Asians generally live longer than most of us North Americans? Not sure how much of the credit goes to MSG or not...still...it sure is tasty stuff. I hope to increase my life span by at least 10 years.

*please note: I'm only joking. do you really think I would be this dumb? I am well aware that MSG is associated with many nervous system problems. Just trying to get a rise out of people. Jeepers creepers!

"whatever keeps you soft and open. this is what you should live for."

2006-11-24T18:40:00.000+09:00

------------------

"...today, I make myself available to You..."

I feel I have not been able to say these words honestly, in my heart before. Even now, these words seems to carry some weight and meaning. As I got out of my futon this morning, looked out the window, this was something immediately on my heart. Do what you will with me today, God. Funny, how the tunnel that I normally ride to the station seemed bigger. How the colours on the trees seemed more deep. What if I really chose to make myself available to God every day? How would with change things?
After a full day of teaching, I rode my bike to Juso, another prefecture in Osaka, hoping to run some errands, and yet I just felt like riding my bike. So I did. For a long time. Passing by small Japanese homes, children practicing baseball in a school yard, an older lady sweeping her sidewalk. It was 4:30pm, and the sun was shining on my face, the cool air was refreshing and the city seemed peaceful. Riding my bike, for no real purpose, but to see new things.

today was a good day.
that is all. until I have more to say later.

wine and a haircut.

2006-11-22T00:36:00.000+09:00

Oh my goodness. I just cut my own hair tonight. And after having a couple glasses of wine too. Yikes. I was getting that desperate (for wine and a haircut!! ha.ha.). What an adventure that was. I have heard some sketchy things about hairstylists in Japan from a number of people. I guess Western hair is just different for them to work with or something. My friend Nina and I have been reading this book at work "A Broad in Japan" - yep, a book especially for women foreigners in Japan. A hokey, if you ask me. But, good advice nonetheless.
Wow. Wine really does make you more confident, I guess. The scary part, I actually think it turned out ok.

finding quiet, in the noise of the city

2006-11-20T23:23:00.001+09:00

"When you travel, you experience, in a very practical way, the act of rebirth. You confront completely new situations, the day passes more slowly, and on most journeys you don't even understand the language the people speak. So you are like a child just out of the womb. You begin to be more accessible to others because they may be able to help you in difficult situations. And you accept any small favor from the gods with great delight, as if it were an episode you would remember for the rest of your life."

-from Paulo Coelho's "The Pilgramage." A constant source of strength for me. A must read!!!

----
Yes, I'm still alive. I hope I haven't lost my blogging-edge. (as I stretch my fingers, and begin to write). Thanks for your patience with me. I know Bri, it has been too long. Glad to see you all again. Drinking oolong tea right now, I can pour you a cup, if you like?

I guess a major theme of the last couple weeks has been: faith. I feel like it has been tested and stretched in everyway. With work, with coping with living in this country, with coming to terms with myself, my weaknesses and strengths. Both, I'm learning to be ok with. I think sometimes, when God calls us into somesort of wilderness, its not easy by any means, but he's teaching me that I'm not alone. I hear it in the voice of strangers, in the kindness of my students, and in the rain as I fall asleep at night.

I'm so tired of being pre-occupied with my lack of internet access ("You don't know what you've got till, its gone"). We finally got our Yahoo package in the mail. I am at peace!!! Not having internet has really made me realize actually how important communication is. The meaningful and regular kind. At times, I have felt claustrophobic about living in such a big city, in this small apartment. big city...small apartment... Hey, I need to write a song. Wheres a pen...

God has really been letting me know that when we sometimes go into journeys on our own, its defanitely not an easy road, but he always promises that we will not go alone. He has really been providing me with some incredible people over the last couple weeks. I have made, it seems, many friends in a short amount of time.
Yuji is quickly becoming a very good friend of mine (after our 4 hour conversation at Starbucks, after we both finished work!! Don't know if it was the coffee that kept us going or our love of hearing each other fumble through each others languages!). We talked about travel, books, things we love, things we hate. It was refreshing. I hadn't had a good conversation like that in a while.
Cho, who also works with Yuji, has promised to take me out to my first sushi train restraunt in the next week. I think they have seriously mistaken me for some sort of coffee expert there, because Cho had invited me to a coffee party that she was organizing. We were asked to rate coffee, and describe the boldness and flavor. While most of the words she had written were in Japanese, she has translated the words into English just for me. She said said that she had been working for 3 days on the translation. I was blown away at her thoughtfulness. (If only they new that I don't actually go to starbucks for the coffee!!!ha. ha.)

I have recently disovered a really fantastic old-style coffee shop/bar down the street from my apartment as well. Sarah, my newest friend took me to their Friday night live music session a couple weeks ago. Papillion is owned by Ryuji and Kumiko, a crazy little Japanese couple, who love people, beer and coffee. There are so many foreigners who come here. Ryuji and Kumiko are known to give you free drinks every now and again. They have a live band every Friday, where people can get up and sing and basically a fool of themselves (and no, I haven't don't this yet. I'm still new to this!). So many other english teachers live in the area, so its been great to mingle with them and to know that we are all having similar experiences.

It seems that the weather has changed dramatically here in the last couple weeks. From hot and humid, to cold and rainy. Which has prooven to be some interesting bicycle rides to the train station some mornings. But, as I make my way to Kita Senri, every morning has become more and more beautiful. The mountains in the distance are decorated with layers of bright red and yellow trees. Its hard to believe that its late November, and Japan is just starting to have fall colours. I am desperate to visit Kyoto to emerse myself in more of the colour and to experience hiking in Arashiyama, a popular spot where the trails lead to many temples and shrines. And a near by rice field I have been wanting to see.

Since the recentl addition to our apartment, Alicia (from the states), I have moved into perhaps the most lovely room I have ever stayed in. Really japanese tatami mats and a balcony sliding window to the outside of our apartment. I so feel at peace in this room. It has been so nice to actually hear the rain as I fall asleep in my futon at night. We are tryng to make our apartment more and more cozy as the days go by.

Work is busy lately. Many training sessions and such, and working overtime tommorrow, so not much of a chance to get out of the city lately. Having that itch again to explore. I don' t think that will ever wear off. I guess living in this city has really made me try to intentional about seeing more of this country.

Wow, that was a big BLAHHH, as DSO would say (for those who know who I'm talking about!). Oh, that felt good. I'm so happy to let you know what I'm up to, and to share my thoughts with all of you. Well, the ones I'm willing to be made public anyways.
Its hard sometimes to put into words, what I'm experiencing here. Somedays are really hard, but most days are incredible here. I never know what I'm going to see. All I know is, that air is different here. I think I might be growing into myself. Please know that I think of you often and miss you all.

Thanks for checking in.
So much love.

Jane.

Ps - Mom, thanks for the sweet Canadian scarf and the KD. Both came at the perfect time. I laughed - very hard.
PPS - Julie, all the sandwich bread actually is crustless here. They sell it in special packages even. I think of you everytime I each a sandwich. Why does it have to be so friggin expensive? Theres no crust! What am I actually paying more for? Hmm...

have you taken your shoes off lately?

2006-11-06T22:50:00.000+09:00

Currently watching on t.v: Japanese figure skating
Latest wierd sighting: purple pleather pants and matching tube top.
Latest English t-shirt sighting: "I like ape."
...
My roomate Myriah is leaving tommorrow to go back the U.S. Time has just flown since meeting her in September. Her, Hannah and I have really gotten along so well. I will be sad to see her go. Nova has already arranged for another roomate to move in. I may be measuring her against Myriah. Not sure if anyone can really compare.

Made me realize life is really a series of hellos, goodbyes and so-longs. I think I have said more hellos in the last 2 months than I ever have before. I have also said many goodbyes and so-longs as well. I feel like being out here as really forced me to examine my life and what really is important. I have only come up with four things: family, friends, always believing in something, and always working towards something. If I don't have these things, life can crumble. Being in this sometimes confusing country, I have somehow managed to sort out what makes me "tick." I find is remarkable how attempting to live more intentionality can come out of unfamiliarity.

It feels like September is so far away now. The colours are changing here, the air is cooler, the sun sets sooner, and my perspective in changing. Things are different. This morning on the train I couldn't help but feel proud of myself for coming this far. Don't get me wrong, I have my days - where I have to sort out my now frequent unpredictable emotions. There are days where I am completely head over heals for this country, and there are days where I feel like all I want to do is scream. Mostly, I'm in love with this place. I guess thats like any new experience for many of us.

Just lately, I have been thinking alot about what it means to have sacred space in our lives. Setting aside a place worth taking our shoes off for. Or maybe, sacred spaces are all around, and they are just waiting to be discovered. And maybe my feet are just waiting for encounters with these places. Going to Ryoanji Temple the other day in Kyoto, it struck me how little I do this. Take my shoes off, that is. To feel the hard wood on my feet. To really feel "at home." And allow my toes room to breath.

Time for bed. Day off tommorrow and Wednesday. Thinking of you all.

Love
Jane.

Kyoto in autumn: good for the soul.

2006-11-03T18:57:00.000+09:00

(the link above is to Kinkakuji Temple, where I visited in Kyoto)

"Kyoto was Japan's capital and the emperors residence from 794 until 1868. It is now the country's seventh largest city with a population of 1.4 million people and a modern face.
Over the centuries, Kyoto was destroyed by many wars and fires, but due to its historic value, the city was not chosen as a target of air raids during World War II. Countless temples, shrines and other historically priceless structures survive in the city today. "
....

Kyoto, how I love thee. I did not know how much I needed this until I arrived.

After a slight change in plans, I actually ended up just going for one full day on Wednesday. I was determined to get out of Osaka. My psyche needed it.
The train ride was magical. You get closer and closer to the mountains as you approach the city. It was a partly sunny, misty morning, and as the train pulled into Kyoto Station, I new I was in for a treat. Anyone who travels here in the future, you should know that Kyoto is so convienent to travel by bus. A $5.00 ticket for the whole day. You can go anywhere. Also, a number of the scenes from Memoirs of a Geisha were filmed in this city. Aparently, it is the second most visited city in the world. So I've heard.
I managed to make my way to Kinkakuji Temple in Kyoto. I think the most famous of temples here. An entire pavillion made out of gold!! It is surrounded by the lushest of gardens, ponds and meditation sites. Not to mention outdoor tea houses for the tea lover (mom...I will take you here when you guys come here in May). As soon as I stepped foot on this temple site, I had goosbumps. It is glorious.
Down the street is Ryuanji Temple. The location of a very famous Zen garden. I think what I will remember the most about this place, is not the temple itself, although breathtaking...but they required all visitors to take their shoes off. I think there is something rather profound about this. You can sit, contemplating the order of the cosmos (I guess this is what you do at at Zen garden), meditate/contemplate (I did. Not on Budda. But on what I was wanting to have for lunch.)
The temple is surrounded again by a beautiful garden, many spots where fractions of light would hit the trees. You then come to a beautiful site, where you can view the mountains and the already changing leaves of autumn. It was like someone had taken a paintbrush and brushed these beautiful mysterious colours over the land. I started to weep. I was overwhelmed with...well...I'm not sure what. Seeing the mountains really reminded me of home. (ok, here come the water works again).

The last few days had been really rough up until Wednesday. Although most days are really good for me, it just in the last 5 days, where I really felt boxed in by this sometimes overwhelmingly huge city of Osaka. And not having steady internet or email or contact with the outside world has really made me feel claustraphobic at times. Once we get our connection from Yahoo at the apartment, I know I will have a better perspective. Once again, I think God really reminded me last night through this verse in 1 Ptr, talking about being foreigners in the land, and how He will comfort us and defend us (I think applicable to Bri, Sarah and Lindsay right now too. I thought of you guys when reading this). No way - this just happened to be the devotional in this book I have been reading. I think I'm coming to know Him as my companion here. Even today, Osaka looked just a little better again. Like it did when I first got here...exciting and not so big.

Is it wrong, that when I feel down/homesick some days, that I put on the "Jane" song by Barenaked Ladies? Strange, perhaps, yet therapeutic, I think.

Jane.

falling leaves in the land of the rising sun...

2006-10-31T00:47:00.000+09:00

"Cohee, ko-ko de kudasai"
I would like a coffee, to stay. Please
(my latest phrase. Wonder where I learned to say this? You guessed it.)

Currently listening: Feist, Open Season
Latest wierd sighting: old lady sleeping on subway gradually made her way onto the lap of an unsuspecting teenager. I chuckled to myself

Its almost embarrassing how the staff at Starbucks know me here now. But, its fun at the same time, because it has really helped me be more confident with the phrases that I'm learning here and there. I'm probably known by them as the girl who gets coffee like 10 times a day. "Oh, here she comes again, the girl who gets coffee like 10 times a day."
Saw Yuji unexpectedly today. That was a nice surprise. We keep trying to test each other on what we remembered. I managed to ask him, in Japanese, how his day was. We laughed. He seemed impressed. I had to get back to work, so it was brief visit, but needless to say, my day was a little brighter after that. Get this, in Sunday Voice class (where students get to simply have free conversation time with me about any topic. My very favorite time of day at work!), there are a couple students who know about my little crush, and they keep asking me about Yuji. Its really cute.
(Having these little experiences has really been helping me combat the homesickness I experience from time to time now. I think reality is really starting to settle in. Not the "let down" kind of reality- just the, "oh ****, I really am in a foreign country for more than just 2 weeks" type of reality.

The other day, I was so drained. It was hard getting up in the morning. I have had trouble sleeping the last few nights. Not sure why. I remember on the train, and listening to this song by Tim Hughes, and quietly saying to myself, "Lord, please teach me how to love my students in a new way today. I feel like I don't have the energy." The first two classes in the morning were tough, but then it was like God literally pressed in my heart and fell in my lap, and changed the way I saw them. My lessons transformed into not just me teaching english, but seeing them as really lovely and enjoyable people.
I just felt the excitement in one of my students today as she learned the new phrase, "I'd like to return this sweater please. There's a whole in the sleeve." So simple, yet I could tell she felt so proud about being able to say a full sentance finally. These are the moments I really look forward to in the day. Although teaching can be exhausting at times, all it takes is one student who feels good about what they've learned, and I seriously want to hug them! This one student in particular, an older lady, you all would want to hug her too!! She is precious in my sight.
I've found teaching so far to be mainly about self exploration. I think I've learned more about myself in the last 2 months than I have in the last 2 years. It can be scary at times. But, generally, I think God is really helping me be ok with it.

I now have my 2 days off. I'm finally going to be making a long awaited trip to Kyoto (only 30 minutes away from Osaka by the Hanku Line!). I've been hearing from students that the leaves are beginning to change there. Along with all the many beautiful temples and shrines located in the hub of Kyoto, this is sure to be more than worth the visit. I booked a guesthouse there for the next few nights. I'm needing to get out of this big city Osaka for more than just a few hours. Not sure of my exact plans yet, I'm just excited to see where the sun takes me.

Until we meet again. The next time I'm in Starbucks, I will imagine you all there, sipping a latte with me.

Jane.

gen-ki des ka?

2006-10-26T15:13:00.000+09:00

In the last couple weeks, I have met a new friend - Yuji. He works at the Starbucks close to my school. Since I come to Starucks quite a bit, he excitedly introduced himself to me one day by writing his name down on a reciept. In attempting to give me a taste test of the latest Starbucks coffee, we kept apologizing to each other for our lack of language skills. Dispite my lack of Japanese, and his little English, we have somehow managed to share a laugh or two. Over coffee last night, Yuji and I decided to become language exchange partners. I have finally come to the conclusion that I can't just rely on my mime artistry in order to communicate with the people here. I have managed to pick up a few words and phrases here and there, but expecially to interact and meet new people, I want to hopefully carry a conversation - especially with Yuji (ok...if you haven't guess already, I think he's cute mostly, but getting to learn Japanese is just an added bonus of getting to hang out with him!)

sushi: to much of a good thing.

2006-10-23T01:14:00.000+09:00

too much sushi today...for lunch and dinner. I think I have become addicted. Tuna, salmon, snapper - you name it, I ate it. I just love this stuff so much. I feel somewhat cultured when I go to the sushi places around here. Sam and his girlfriend Yumi showed me the Japanese way to eat sushi tonight - by putting the whole thing in your mouth at once. Good and bad advice. Unfourtunately, with this method, your head is not able to keep up with your stomach.

Hello my name is Jane, and I'm a sushi addict.

a few lonely pics for ya.

2006-10-20T21:25:00.000+09:00

My apartment #206 at Shin-Osaka Nanai Biru. Trying to make it more homey everyday. As you can see, its very simple. Living here is really teaching me how little I can actually live on - and be quite content actually! We have a little balcony to hang our laundry on and chat with our neighbors. Myriahs room is too the right - not in the picture - with tatami mats and sliding doors.

This is my very simple room. Its a work in progress. I'm trying to put little touches here and there. Whatever inspires me. Notice the futon! Jer, I hope you can see the photoalbum you gave me right beside my bed! The bicycle I have been talking about. "The blue bullet" I'm calling her. Notice the sweet basket on the front.
One of my days off to Osaka Castle.

This is all I have right now folks. I managed to email these to myself from my mobile phone. More coming, I promise.

the old lady and my bicycle.

2006-10-20T15:52:00.000+09:00

Just got home from work. Watching Japanese soap opera. Tofu and salad for lunch (chopsticks are not so hard to use anymore!).
Its windy today here. Cloudy too. I rode my bicycle home from the station and I noticed the air is cooler today. Embarrassing story - so, apparently I have no sense of balance - while riding my bike to Nishinikajima-Minamikata station (say that 5 times fast!) this morning, I pretty much toppled over for no reason. I stopped at the crosswalk, and almost fell onto some old lady. I got a wierd look. I hope no one else saw. What made me feel even more dumb was that fact that 2 smaller girls on their bikes, simply whizzed past me and giggled to themselves. Very random. I seem to wear a big sign on my forehead that says "Laugh now, please."
Some days its really tricky to figure out how to dodge people on your bike. Not to mention this SUPER SCARY tunnel that I dread everytime on my way to the station. Its so narrow, and you literally have to hold your breath everytime you pass someone. I think I'm an accident waiting to happen. My palms sweat just thinking about going into that darn tunnel.
I've learned that I just have to scare myself ****less here at first (excuse the language!), then I eventually feel better. Still...I hate that darn tunnel.

untitled (yet too much to say)

2006-10-17T00:31:00.000+09:00

Thanks for coming back! It’s been a while since my last update. Pull up a chair…stay a while.*

So, having recently turned 24, I celebrated by going to an izakai (Japanese bar), buying myself a hat, a new piece of jewelry (of course) and learning to ride my new bicycle. (which I ride almost everyday on my way to the train station**!). It has a basket and everything. (Myriah calls the ones with baskets on both ends a “Mommy-tron” bicycle – literally, moms have their kids on either end of the bicycles here! Seriously, little Asian kids – the cutest thing you will ever see! I digress). My friend Sam and his girlfriend Umi helped me find a really good deal ($50 CAN!) and once I registered it (yes, like a car!), and managed to weave my way through the pedestrian traffic here. Yes, I have to weave! I thought to myself…no kidding, I’m riding a bicycle in Japan, singing “I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike”… a very Lonely Planet-esk moment.

Speaking of lonely planet, my travel book lead me to visit to the Human Rights Museum the other day. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I arrived, but little did I know how big of an impact this visit would have. The museum goes through the history of various human rights issues in Japan – women’s issues, people with disabilities, homosexuality etc. I must say, that it got me thinking a lot about how lucky we actually are in Canada to have the resources we do. Even in regards to the way we think about human rights issues. The other day, for example, in the subway I noticed there was a man in a wheelchair who was waiting to catch the Midosuji line. As I waited beside him, I noticed how accessibility is so limited here. One of the station masters had to wait beside him with a ramp in order to help him on the subway car. And, in a matter of 30 seconds, he had to get him on the car. Somedays, it just breaks my heart when I see people with a disability who struggle to walk the long hallways of the underground, or try not to be pushed by the crowds (and believe me, somedays, it can be ruthless here in the subway!)

So (not sure what the transition should be here) I’m sure many of you have heard about the situation with North Korea at the moment and the nuclear threat that Japan is experiencing***. The other morning, two of my students simply just wanted to have a free conversation about this. We talked about the general feeling of the Japanese people right now, and what this whole nuclear crisis could mean for the country. I have to tell you, its been pretty remarkable learning about this whole thing directly from Japanese residents. I never thought it would be as meaningful as it has been.

Random things…
-found Canadian maple syrup in a train station store the other day
-latest english t-shirt sighting “Go on: Extrude my boot.”
-I bought a beer tonight, from a vending machine in the street, for 100yen ($1).
-I miss peanut butter
-I miss utensils
-I miss thanksgiving. No mom, theres no turkey sushi here!
-I met another teacher from Edmonton today, during my Kids Training at another Nova branch – get this, she lived just down the street from Kings!!! No way.
-another person came up to me in a train station on my day off, asking me if I need help (I did, in fact.). This random stranger not only pointed me in the right direction, he lead me to the exact train I needed to be on. The kindness of strangers. Its a good thing.

* I like talking to you all… as if you are sitting next to me.

**my butt is sure hurtin’

***wow, to see this written out is a little frieky. I hadn’t thought much about it until now

Miss you all. More than you know.

Jane.

autumn rain

2006-10-06T23:21:00.000+09:00

The other day, it was raining here in Osaka. Strangely, I enjoyed it. I felt this odd peace inside. Later that day, I just happened to come across Psalm 84. Part of the verse is "What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger..."

I hope this speaks to you somehow today. Psalm 84. Read it.

Jane

PS - Happy Birthday Krista (tomorrow anyways). I love that we have the same birthday. I will think of you in Japan, if you think of me in Edmonton!

the curve of learning

2006-09-30T22:16:00.001+09:00

I have officially lived 1 month in Japan. I can't believe it. Yesterday was the one month anniversary. To celebrate, I had french toast for the first time in a month. Canadian Maple syrup, compliments of a friend who sent it to me. Man, that was good.
I picked up my official alien registration card yesterday too. I am officially an alien who is registered. That made things feel a bit more permanent. Scary for like 2 seconds, but then I got over it. I walked around Juso station for a bit, outside the Osaka ward office. I love finding these little eclectic places. Side streets with bookstores, moms riding bikes with their kids in the basket, many restraunts and isakiae's at every turn.
The weather today is warm, not hot. Normally, this time of the year, I would start to buy fall clothes and be wearing long sleeve shirts. Not this year. The sun shines brightly in the morning on my way to the subway and as I make my way to work most mornings, I plug in my mp3 to some worship and sit to enjoy the ride across Osaka to the prefecture of Kita Senri. I just noticed this morning, how much I actually see on my way to work - I cross over a river, pass by an old graveyard, a baseball field and Osaka University. Its a quiet ride to work, most days. And, I feel at peace. Sipping my chilled coffee. Excited for the day. Excited to think what I might learn from my students, or what I might learn about myself.
Some mornings, I temporarily forget that I'm in this country. I finally settle into a routine. Then, I see something new (ladies in kimonos walking down the street, every once in a while) or experience something that I have never seen before...and I'm reminded: I'm in Japan. I think I'm learning that you HAVE to see everything as an adventure here. Its a choice I have to make everyday. You can afford not to. Its like, I'm learning to never take anything for granted again. Sometimes, living this consciously all the time can be exhausting. But, I feel alive. In a way that I haven't felt before.
Time for my bedtime, which means, you all will probably just be starting your day. Its 10:45pm here on a Saturday night (so, for all of you its Friday morning 7:45am Alberta time, 8:45 B.C time and 9:45am Ontario time). Whether your at work, school or play - you are in my dreams.

only in japan... thoughts, by me.

2006-09-29T21:25:00.000+09:00

Only in Japan...

...will you bow more than 100 times a day. (walking to subway, I saw some gas station attendants simultaneously bowing, facingthe street. I chuckled to myself.)

...is there individually wrapped EVERYTHING! You name it, its individually wrapped!!

...is there J-Pop (Japanese Pop music). The acquired taste of the North American. (still yet to be acquired by me!)

...only in Japan, can you be a good karaoke singer and a bad karaoke singer at the same time! Either way, you are loved by all!!

... are there convienience stores (7-11 included) - that sell packaged t-shirts, underwear and chocolate - all in the same isle!

...can you be unfashionable and fashionable at the same time. Anything goes! My latest sighting - a guy with a closepin in his hair. Need I say more?

...will you feel like a giant!!!!

...only in Japan, will I turn 24 years old. (in like 8 days!! hee.hee.)

...are there old women, wearing t-shirts with profanity. (you gotta laugh, come on.)

...is there a "women only" boarding point at the subway (with pink paint on the subway car - with little floating babies!!)

...are there simlulated flushing toilets noises

...only in Japan, can you get everything in miniature size. - people, electronics, coffee and utensils.

...only in Japan, is it random everyday and everyway.

Only in Japan.

Thank you.

whats in a name?

2006-09-26T13:37:00.001+09:00

A couple of students came up with my name in Japanese the other day. The kanji system is just one of the letter systems they use here. The way my name sounds in english Ja-y-ne, in Japanese the `ja` sound Japanese character means `compassion, hospitality, inclusion` and the `n sound means `openness, open circle, open minded`. Wow. I don`t think I`m worthy of this at all, but my students were so excited to come up with this for me. I`m so grateful for them. I wish I could write out the Japanese characters for you. They are so beautiful.
Thanks for checking in. Thanks to everyone for your comments. They keep me going from day to day.

I love you, and miss you all.

a journey I didn't plan on...

2006-09-20T23:33:00.000+09:00

So, I was planning on going to this bible study Tuesday night at Osaka International Church, when I was frantically hurrying to get there (I was late), and I disovered that something else was actually going on. A massive worship service in the main santuary. And, to my surprise, I was early. I had no idea this was happening. A billingual service, with musicians from a church in Tokyo (get this, a Hillsong church, with a number of people from Australia on the team). There was dancing, and sounds of "Our God is an Awesome God" sung in Japanese and English. Worship was thick in the air. I felt like God has prepared this for me or something. How is it that you know how to find me Lord? Even here. During the worship, I was overwhelmed with tears. I think God let me know that perhaps I have another purpose here, other than just teaching english.

The pastor who spoke was from Australia, and he spoke about dreams and what we need to be living for. As Christians, we need to have a dream. And people need to see this in us. I felt he was speaking directly to me. He spoke of Japan being the land of the rising sun, and "from the rising of the sun, to the setting of the same... the name of the Lord is too be praised." Such profound words. He also spoke about when God gives us a dream, we laugh and have joy inside (wow. again, a message for me!) Japan is a deeply spiritual country, and more than ever before, there is an openness to what God is doing here. I'm still trying to unpack the message, but I am so impacted by his words. I literally felt grabbed by the heart, and that I had just stepped into my dream.

I also met Sonia at this thing, another english teacher from Australia. While we where talking, she explained that she has felt a calling to welcome foreigners to Japan (and I just happened to be sitting next to her during the service!!!!!!!) She was so welcoming towards me, and she actually invited me to her bible study (which was tonight) in Kobe. Little did I know, that once I got off the train to meet her, she would take me to such a wonderful home, where she and 5 others meet on Wednesday afternoons at a lady Michelles house - her husband and 3 children recently moved from Taiwan 7 months ago to Japan.

First of all, Kobe is the most charming city (30 minutes outside Osaka). Way less congested than Osaka, cute coffee shops, oriental tea houses, so close to the mountains (literally, behind the homes on the hill). It was so great to finally meet in someones home! We worshipped for a bit, prayed and then had a great discussion on the prayer of Jabez. This guy Dave (who is the exact twin of Marvin Bravo, for those of you who know him, and turns out he is a drummer and plays for a couple of gospel choirs in the area, and works for a record company. Hmmm. He and Sonia where asking alot of questions about my music. No way Lord!! Is this for real?), showed me around Kobe for a bit after the study, then went back to Michelle house, where I was treated to a lovely dinner.

I felt completely overwhelmed with hospitality. Like royalty. I only met these people today, and I felt so loved. I never know what will happen from one day to the next here. Who I will be meeting, where I will be going, what I will be doing. Seriously, my head is spinning. I think God may be taking me on a journey this year that I didn't plan on. I think He needs to be the one to plan from now on. The question is, can I give up this control? Can any of us, really? Something to think about, I guess.

Jane

a new sushi restraunt, and oh yeh, mating cats outside my window

2006-09-15T22:42:00.000+09:00

so, I found out today why I have had trouble sleeping the last few nights...mating season for cats. Yep. I was explaining to my boss this morning about this horrific, ear piercing noise I have been hearing late at night. He explained that it is in fact that time of year! These tomcats seem like they are everywhere. Specifically, right outside my window. Seriously...I have heard tomcats before...but not like this. I wish I could record the sound for you. My poor, poor, poor ears. I swear, it like a whole other breed of sound.

Other than cats in heat, I tried a new sushi restraunt tonight by my house (sorry about the awful transition, I just had to tell you all). Loved it. I think to eat there, you need to like experimenting. I tried some dumplings, a dish of tofu and some radishes. There were about 6 chefs working behind the counter, and they, knowing little english, and me knowing little Japanese, managed to identify a few dishes for me. All I heard was lots of "hi" "hi" "hi" "hi"'s, but still, they were very enthusiastic. I learned that some sushi chefs actually study for like 10 years to perfect their craft. I can see why alot of the food here is basically a work of art. You almost hate to eat it, it looks so beautiful.

Just another day in Japan, I guess. Random, its all random.
Ha.Ha.

God, is that you speaking?

2006-09-12T18:34:00.000+09:00

Right now, I`m sitting at opti cafe, sipping an iced mocha, India Arie plays in the background, and I sit... contemplating on experiences thus far.
Well, I got through the 3 days of nauseating training (literally, I was so stressed, I felt sick one morning). At times, I was wondering if I had made the right decision to come to Japan. I was scared. But, stepping into my first lesson at my branch in Kita Senri, I realized, yes, I in fact did make the right decision. (why did I question it in the first place?).

Where do I begin? (why do I feel like I`m saying that alot?). At Nova`s Kita Senri branch, I teach with about 8 other instructors, who have all made me feel so welcome. (by the way, its me and this other girl Nina from Scotland, and like 6 other guys. Goodtimes). The atmosphere is so relaxed here. We all enjoy our studnets so much. A number of them come in like 3 times a week, which means you get to know their faces. One boy, I suspect, has been requesting to have lessons with me. I have had him for the last 3 mornings in a row at the same time.

A treat of my days are Voice classes 1-2 times a day. A number of senior students can get together and just chat in English with an instructor about any topic. Its more informal. The other morning, Alvin my boss, was saying that the students have noticed a new instructor around and they have been wanting to meet me. I walked into the Voice room and the second I did, all I saw were these huge grins of excitement. I said to them, *so, I heard you were wanting to meet me? Well, this is perfect because I have been wanting to meet all of you as well!* They laughed, and the rest of the 40 minutes was spent with them asking me all about Canada, where I live, my family, and why I decided to come to Japan. They also gave me advice on where I should go while I`m here. I was throughly entertained. (little did I know, Alvin later told me that Saturday Voice classes are pretty much like an initiation for new instructors...if they like you, your in!!)

My newest friend, Nina from Scotland and I found out that she lives in the apartment next to me and we both work at Kita Senri! (wow, thanks God!). We have ridden the train together a couple mornings, and have chatted on our balconies a few nights. I always know shes there because I can see her hand with a cigarette on the other side. ha.ha.

So, I also tried out Osaka International Church Saturday night. Turns out, its like 10 other people who meet on Saturdays. Which, I love. Its an electic community who meets for bible study and worship services, and they welcomed me Saturday night with open arms. (I even got a visitors gift...a book of bible verses written in both english and Japanese. So cool). A couple from the States (who came to Japan 10 years ago) leads the service. They even treated me to supper afterwards. One thing that had me weaping, was during the worship time, the song We Fall Down (Chris Tomlin) sung in both Japanese and English. Talk about a goosebump moment.

Today, I had a day off, so I decided to go to Osaka Castle. Just what I needed. So incredible. Not to mention the surrounding gardens, shrines, and fountains.Guys, I:m seriously in so much angst, I want to post pictures, but until I get a laptop, I won`t be able to do so. I can only describe things in words to a certain point. Oh well, they are the best thing I have right now

Hey, I also got a cell phone now. A first. You can text message me if you wish at erickson_jane@k.vodafone.ne.jp or call at 08037707907.

Everyone, thank you for your notes, your news, telling me about your lives, I truely love it. Mom, Dad it was so good to finally chat with you the other morning.

So, I:m doing well. Today I got really emotional (is that a song?). Standing at the top of this castle, I had a moment (as Gerri N would say). I was thinking... God is present in the midst of every moment. Whether in Japan, in Canada, while starting school , while making breakfast, while feeling sad or missing home. He is there.

(hey... the song What a Wonderful World just started playing....
God, is that you speaking?...)

Love
Jane.